New. Seeking guidance and support

[VaticanCameos]

Hello, I'm new here and have read a few of the other threads to get an idea of others' experiences.
Reading your stories makes me anxious, despite the face I'm going through the same :/
It's hard to see it in print and I haven't told anyone about my husband and his BPD.
I didn't realize until recently. Then, like a flashback scene from a movie, 19 years of specific incidents came flooding into my memory and it all made sense (as much as it can).

I'm looking for ways to cope, to navigate this rocky unpredictable terrain of a relationship and help our nearly 16 year old daughter cope.
The past several months my husband has been dealing with his mother in the throes of dementia, and this stress has triggered a new level of hostility, self-destructive behaviors, and lashing out.
In moments of clarity he understands he's not well and that he behaves irrationally. But it doesn't change his long-term behavior.
I could go on for days about how it impacts me, and aside from salvaging my relationship with him, I don't want this affecting our daughter any more negatively than it has. It's gotten to the point where, if he comes into the same room where we are, she leaves. She's not afraid of him, just emotionally exhausted.
Anyway, I hope to learn a lot here and glean as much wisdom and insight as possible from those of you who manage this situation in your own lives

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Hello Vatican and welcome!

I understand what you mean about feeling anxious. When I first got here, reading what other people were going through made me nervous and even sometimes rather despondent about the future. Actually, that can still happen. But, overall, it was such a relief to be surrounded (virtually, of course) by people who "get it."

My H, too, was triggered by a series of stressful events in his life. Sounds like that's a fairly common theme around here.

There are things you can do to help you navigate these rough waters -- and help your daughter too.

How old is your daughter? If you had to point to one area or behavior that's causing the most trouble with your H, what would it be?