A small change..just this one day? Or longer..

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have been in such tremendous pain for over three months now.. somedays i got so drunk and wanted to end my life. Crying floods.. my ex Bpd really ripped out my heart and threw it away.. leaving me this opend wound, bleeding like hell.. and the pain- OMG.. seriously.. how can you give someone such pain, leave somebody like this.. and feel no guilt? Ashamed? .. too me, its unbelivable that i fell in love, and still love that person.. but thats the fact. But a friend told me that Hypnosis can help. Not get rid of the pain but ease it. I have never belived in such things, but why not try it, better than have this unwilling to live, ? So i went there today with an opend mind. I got the session for about one hour.. it was such a strange feeling , you are awake but u go back to the inner centa of your mind. The unaware.. i went back to my childhood for example, and too all this bad things i had experienced with my ex Bpd.. to the exactly moments that she has brok up with me, the accusations, the hateful words. And i cried like a baby.  Talking to her through my hypnosis.. and when the session was done. I was exhausted.. but i FELT something different.. some part of me , some huge pain i have left there in the hypnosis.. it may sound crazy. But something happend to me. Then i drove to my ex to leave some of her stuff.. my pulse was pounding, the heartrate felt like400 when i knocked on her door. She opened fast, looked me into my eyes for two seconds, then she avoided eyecontact and closed the door. I said that "i will leave your stuff outside here".. and drove home. I thought that i would break down fully and cry all evening. Because i have missed her like crazy. But i havent cried after that. I feel "numb, tired in my mind, AND some pain is not that strong. Some of it is gone. I texted her, told her i wanted her to see me, just to give me her pain i caused her, and that i still love her so much. And that i just wanted 10 min of her time, then she could close the door for ever for me.  But no reply yet.. I hoped she would react in another way, let me in. But she did not. And i havent cried about that either... my friend told me that the hypnosis has changed my energy inside me.. thats why i feel like this. I pray to God that this will remain. I know that i will always love my ex, and miss her.. but i hope that my pain remains like this now.. I can't force my ex to come back.. i cant force my ex to love me( if she ever did)? I cant change her feelings, i cant take away the hate she might feels for me..I have done everything in my power, to say am sorry, to show her my deep love for her. I have begged, cried and almost died inside for her. She was worth it all. But i am worth to be treated kind, i do also need love, compassion, someone who loves my flaws, who see the whole me, and still loves me. Not just see and make up bad things about me. Someone who can't feel my lovem that i am a kind person... And that someone is not her. Now. And maybe never wil be again. Its up to her, to someday feel that she needs help, or feel that she is not doing it right by treat people like garbage. I know she has her own pain, and it hurts me like hell- but its only herself that has to deal with it like a grown up. That day, i pray for her to happen. And i wish her the best because she is worth true love. Love that she allows to stay in her heart. Until then, i sont think she is happy with anyone. For the moment, before she gets to the point finding out that no one is perfect. But you can give true love. And its not something to be afraid of.. I love her, but it was not enough.. And i saw the pain in her eyes today.. in those seconds.. maybe it was a part of seeing me, but the eyes are the souls mirror..there is pain. Not because she saw me .. i felt it. I had just to write me off here. I reccomend Hypnosis- even though it wont fix your pain vanish.. but it can ease your pain. Maybe it just holds somedays, i dont know, but at least i have tried. And ONE day without this heartbreaking awful pain i have felt since mMay when she disappeared.. it worth it. To let my mind, heart and soul just rest../ Yoke

[Yoke]

I have been in such tremendous pain for over three months now.. somedays i got so drunk and wanted to end my life. Crying floods.. my ex Bpd really ripped out my heart and threw it away.. leaving me this opend wound, bleeding like hell.. and the pain- OMG.. seriously.. how can you give someone such pain, leave somebody like this.. and feel no guilt? Ashamed? .. too me, its unbelivable that i fell in love, and still love that person.. but thats the fact. But a friend told me that Hypnosis can help. Not get rid of the pain but ease it. I have never belived in such things, but why not try it, better than have this unwilling to live, ? So i went there today with an opend mind. I got the session for about one hour.. it was such a strange feeling , you are awake but u go back to the inner centa of your mind. The unaware.. i went back to my childhood for example, and too all this bad things i had experienced with my ex Bpd.. to the exactly moments that she has brok up with me, the accusations, the hateful words. And i cried like a baby.  Talking to her through my hypnosis.. and when the session was done. I was exhausted.. but i FELT something different.. some part of me , some huge pain i have left there in the hypnosis.. it may sound crazy. But something happend to me. Then i drove to my ex to leave some of her stuff.. my pulse was pounding, the heartrate felt like400 when i knocked on her door. She opened fast, looked me into my eyes for two seconds, then she avoided eyecontact and closed the door. I said that "i will leave your stuff outside here".. and drove home. I thought that i would break down fully and cry all evening. Because i have missed her like crazy. But i havent cried after that. I feel "numb, tired in my mind, AND some pain is not that strong. Some of it is gone. I texted her, told her i wanted her to see me, just to give me her pain i caused her, and that i still love her so much. And that i just wanted 10 min of her time, then she could close the door for ever for me.  But no reply yet.. I hoped she would react in another way, let me in. But she did not. And i havent cried about that either... my friend told me that the hypnosis has changed my energy inside me.. thats why i feel like this. I pray to God that this will remain. I know that i will always love my ex, and miss her.. but i hope that my pain remains like this now.. I can't force my ex to come back.. i cant force my ex to love me( if she ever did)? I cant change her feelings, i cant take away the hate she might feels for me..I have done everything in my power, to say am sorry, to show her my deep love for her. I have begged, cried and almost died inside for her. She was worth it all. But i am worth to be treated kind, i do also need love, compassion, someone who loves my flaws, who see the whole me, and still loves me. Not just see and make up bad things about me. Someone who can't feel my lovem that i am a kind person... And that someone is not her. Now. And maybe never wil be again. Its up to her, to someday feel that she needs help, or feel that she is not doing it right by treat people like garbage. I know she has her own pain, and it hurts me like hell- but its only herself that has to deal with it like a grown up. That day, i pray for her to happen. And i wish her the best because she is worth true love. Love that she allows to stay in her heart. Until then, i sont think she is happy with anyone. For the moment, before she gets to the point finding out that no one is perfect. But you can give true love. And its not something to be afraid of.. I love her, but it was not enough.. And i saw the pain in her eyes today.. in those seconds.. maybe it was a part of seeing me, but the eyes are the souls mirror..there is pain. Not because she saw me .. i felt it. I had just to write me off here. I reccomend Hypnosis- even though it wont fix your pain vanish.. but it can ease your pain. Maybe it just holds somedays, i dont know, but at least i have tried. And ONE day without this heartbreaking awful pain i have felt since mMay when she disappeared.. it worth it. To let my mind, heart and soul just rest../ Yoke

[Wicker Man]

I am so happy for your breakthrough and strength.  I am hoping this will be the first step of many toward feeling much much better. 

It was a very brave thing you did to return her things -be proud of yourself. -I feel very badly for all of the pain you have been in these last months.

[Turkish]

I love her, but it was not enough

It often isn't given the emptiness that a person with BPD feels.  No one can fill the void to make someone else happy. We try to fill that void, but it is trying to replace the person who caused them their core pain. That's an impossible task.  I tried it, as did most here. 

I'm really curious about your childhood. You may eant to also post on the PSI board. I found my way there after a year here when I realized that my mother was BPD and that my tendency to soothe, rescue, and seek love by rescuing and soothing likely came from how I grew up.

[I Am Redeemed]

I'm glad you are feeling stronger and have gotten some relief from the intensity of your emotional pain. Do you plan to do more hypnosis sessions?

Like Turkish, I started out here in a romantic relationship in crisis. After it ended, I began to explore what drove me to get involved in a relationship where I continued to attempt to save another person and constantly try to fill up his emotional tank. I also explored why I felt guilty that I couldn't do the impossible. I found the root of that went back to my childhood where I learned that I was responsible for making other people happy and that I was expected to do what my family wanted me to do.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Yoke, it's good to see you over here, that you are starting to find some closure and healing.

I am worth to be treated kind, I do also need love, compassion, someone who loves my flaws, who see the whole me, and still loves me.

Yes! You have taken some big steps lately and you have started you journey towards this.

[Wicker Man]

We try to fill that void, but it is trying to replace the person who caused them their core pain.

A brief emotional 'fix' can come from outside, but it will never last. -Happiness comes from within. 

I have a suspicion transference^* is, one some level involved, on the part of both parties in these (questionably functional) relationships .  Actually... in healthy relationships too.  Without intervention we cannot fully escape the lessons we learn as children -it takes a lot of heavy lifting.

^*the redirection to a substitute, usually a therapist, of emotions that were originally felt in childhood.

 Nature and nurture --I believe genetics may be involved on some level as well.   This is perhaps how I escaped the full plight of being a parentified^* child -I was adopted into my 'family of origin'.  So... the co-dependence of my abused mother and the alcoholism of my abused father were object lessons rather than wiring.

^*Parentification is the process of role reversal whereby a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling. ... Emotional parentification occurs when a child or adolescent must take on the role of a confidant or mediator for (or between) parents or family members.

...life certainly is an interesting journey.

[Cromwell]

Hi and welcome

Im glad hypnosis has helped to make this experience less painful, it follows my own experience in trying it quite well. When you say you feel tired though - do you mean tired as in frustrated or is it a run down form of fatigue?

A lot of energy gets expended in these high conflict relationships, I can relate to the fatigue if this is what you are experiencing. Plenty of rest is needed and this can have positive impact on our emotional state too.

[formflier]

Yoke,

Welcome to the detaching board.

To let my mind, heart and soul just rest..

I hope you find your rest.  Whenever you get time...I'd like to hear about what you find restful.

I'm a fan of slow walks in the evening.

Best,

FF

[Yoke]

 By tired i mean : in frustrated and both in  a run down form of fatigue? My whole body and soul felt this after the Hypnosis.  A strange reaction...
 What i find restful is sitting by the sea , walk in the forest. Or i found it restful before, since she went away i have had trouble do things like that because of my mood and loss of her

[Cromwell]

By tired i mean : in frustrated and both in  a run down form of fatigue? My whole body and soul felt this after the Hypnosis.  A strange reaction...
 What i find restful is sitting by the sea , walk in the forest. Or i found it restful before, since she went away i have had trouble do things like that because of my mood and loss of her

Hi Yoke
I would continue to do these things that are working, unhurried walks in the countryside, avoid heavy meals, stimulants like coffee. Anything that puts less work on the body.

Set some time to relax like you did in hypnosis, let the blood pressure lower down, avoid arguments, sources of conflict or things that disturb or upset, frustrations - put them aside for now.

The emotional side impacts the physical and via versa.

[Turkish]

my ex Bpd really ripped out my heart and threw it away.. leaving me this opend wound, bleeding like hell.. and the pain- OMG.. seriously.. how can you give someone such pain, leave somebody like this.. and feel no guilt? Ashamed? .. too me, its unbelivable that i fell in love, and still love that person

The cold discard is horrible to deal with.  My ex felt guilt, but hid out well beneath a thin veneer of narcissism. I got the late night calls with her crying and apologizing, but even then, I felt that it was about her and that she wanted me to soothe her emotions...  just like in the r/s.

Have you read this? It might give more insight into what's going on.  (Click for more)

Often we obsess and ruminate over what our “BPD” partner might be doing or feeling, or who they might be seeing. We wonder if they ever really loved us and how we could have been so easily discarded. Our emotions range from hurt, to disbelief, to anger.

This guide explores the struggles of breaking away from this type of relationship and offers suggestions on how you can make it easier on yourself and your partner.

It must be especially hard not to enjoy that which formerly brought you peace because you shared such things with her.  That's a brutal blow, and a hard reminder.