Feeling completely overwhelmed by adult child creating false narratives

[SAE]

Hello. I have found my way here after reading Stop Walking on Eggshells. I’m feeling overwhelmed by my 19 year old daughter.  She has been always been a difficult yet amazing child, an only child. We have cherished her and supported her, especially as she became ill with celiac disease and needed constant care. She has depression, anxiety, and anger issues, but about 2 years ago she suddenly crafted a narrative that i was the root of all her problems. She told (and continues to tell) therapists that i phusically and verbally abused her. I know this fits into the BPD profile, but it is so horrifying. It is not at all true, and i am so confused as to how her memory can be so wrong and her feelings be so skewed. We were always very close until it suddenly changed overnight. I have given her all my love and support and now i feel like I am facing a lifetime of her blame and accusation. We go to family therapy and she is receiving additional treatment for her depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I am so horribly sad and overwhelmed.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello SAE and welcome to the group. You have come to the right place to get help and support. Those narratives our BPD children create can be so painful. My son does that too sometimes. The best way I have heard it explained is people with this condition feel intense pain and cannot attribute it to something going on inside them so they conclude that someone must have caused it. Even though we know they are not true narratives are very real to them. It does no use arguing with them about it. The best you can do is validate the feeling ("I am so sorry you feel that way. It must be awful." ) without agreeing to the narrative itself, don't take it personally, and move on. Take care of yourself. Post here all you like. Feel free to vent. We are listening (reading.)
Hugs
Faith

[livednlearned]

Hi SAE,

Does the family therapist recognize D19 has BPD?

[Bluemoon23]

Wow!

Thank you Faith for this. I have also experienced this and that's helpful to read what that confabulation could be from and how to respond.

Welcome SAE and hugs. It's hard. It's good you found this forum to share and feel heard.