Witholding Sex and Risky Sex

[JerichoJax]

I have to confess I am at a total loss.  None of this around sex, withholding and risky behavior makes sense.

My ex when we met in January 2011 we had sex right away and then it was withheld for 4 months.  I was told it was because we needed to make sure we would work together.  After the four months and until June of 2012 on first discard we had sex several times a week. 

A couple months after the discard he met a guy who turns out was a porn star and from what I know they had sex constantly, sex with other people and also did shows of them having sex online.

We got back together in September of 2013 and had sex almost immediately though the first time was more mechanical as there was no kissing or anything like that.  By October he had moved in with me again we were back to having sex at least weekly.  Then he decided in February of 2014 that we needed to slow things down, he moved out and sex went to one every three to four weeks. 

November 2014 he moved back in and we were having sex weekly until June of 2015 when we got married.  After the marriage sex started slowing down to the point that the last two years (2017 & 2018) we had sex twice one of those times being New Years Eve.  He discarded me again on January 3rd.

Flash forward and he is constantly on a hookup app.  He is even offering to give no strings attached oral sex and has he doesn't want anything serious.  This is an every weekend thing for him.  This is a guy who would never give oral sex so it is almost like he is intentionally degrading himself or something.

What am I missing here?  Does any of this make sense?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[AskingWhy]

pwBPD often use sex as a releaser of tension, buy get terrified of too much closeness.  This makes no sense to a normal person.  Are you a woman in R/S with a man?

Men and women BPDs have different manifestations.

I am sorry this is hurtful and confusing.

[AskingWhy]

This article might help.

https://themighty.com/2018/02/bpd-sex-promiscuity-borderline-men-personality-disorder/

[JerichoJax]

He and I were a same sex couple.  Thanks for the article though it helped with some current behavior still not getting the withholding of sex for very long periods of time (1 time per year) and also the boundaries.  There were things that are pretty standard sex acts between a couple that he would not allow with us however on the hookup app he is advertising to do those things.  One point we talked a couple months ago and I mentioned the hookup app and so forth to which he said he knew he was reverting to the past. 

The article helped on the sexually risky behavior and such he is engaging in now however not why he was withholding and boundaries when we were together.