I am ready for marriage and my gf won't get help

[petunia81]

I am sitting in my hotel room alone after another one of my breakups with my gf.  I believe she has bpd.  She is NEVER wrong.  I have begged her to get help.  She is also destroying me financially.  I want to marry her, but I know that until she recognizes that she has a problem, it will never work. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Witz_End]

It's a tough road, I know.

The problem is, people can't be forced to see it.  It may be obvious to you they need help, but as the norm they know, they believe it is normal.  Add to that a lot of the nature of BPD that adds a level of self-blindness and resistance to the idea, which is why even books and professionals advise against telling them "I think you have BPD and need to see a therapist," even if approached calmly, level headedly, rationally.

Trying to force it on her could have very bad consequences.  At a minimum, the more entrenched you are in your stance, the more it's going to bring out symptoms and make the idea of therapy a bad, third rail topic going forward, held against you for a long time.  It will feed volatility and it's hard to predict what will happen in that volatility.

Have you considered seeing a counselor yourself?  
 Maybe they could help you?