Where Do I Go From Here

[RomanticFool]

My ex partner, who I suspect may have NPD has completely demonised me and this summer a one week holiday in Greece happened right in the middle of two break ups. The first break up was for three weeks and she blocked me on the phone and WhatsApp. I begged her everyday via email to come back and when she eventually deigned to reply I suggested going to the cinema. She agreed and I booked two tickets to see Rocketman and she stood me up. The following Wednesday I got two more tickets and this time she came with me but when I told her how hurt I’d been at her silence she almost walked off.  She decided that I had been abusive towards her early on in the relationship since we met in AA. In fact we had a wonderful courtship but I was married at the time and this was a source of conflict. I eventually left my marriage but by that time she was already well into the devaluation stage of the relationship.

Once we reconnected she was very fraught but asked me to book a holiday to Greece, which I did, costing myself £1,000. The next day she decided she didn’t want to go with me to Greece and this heralded two weeks of push/pull with her telling me that I am an abusive Narcissist and she didn’t want to go on holiday with me. I’d all but given up on going but with just a couple of hours to spare to get to the airport, she finally said she would go. We actually had a wonderful time in Greece and despite a couple of skirmishes, which I was able to defuse, the week was actually lovely.

The next two weeks at home were very difficult, she was picking fights and sabotaging evenings out. As soon as I reacted in frustration she escalated the situation and eventually finished the relationship. This after she cycled past me without stopping to talk or acknowledge me and I was deeply hurt. She didn’t care and said she found me emotionally unstable and that I disturb her peace after I left a tearful message on her answer phone.. After she ended the relationship she promised she would pay for her share of the holiday, which she never has.

Fast forward three weeks later and she reconnected with me on WhatsApp. She said she just wanted to wish me luck for a forthcoming piece of work I am doing. I thanked her and then a few minutes later she demanded to know why I hadn’t invited her and said I never cared and wasn’t real. I reminded her that she had not spoken to me for three weeks and it was unreasonable of her to expect and invite. Cue a torrent of abuse calling me a Narcissist and an abuser and threatening to publicly denounce me. I dismissed her claims and politely said she needed help.

I have not blocked her on WhatsApp as I do not wish to escalate the situation. I don’t know what to do or how to proceed. I’m a little worried she is going to get more and more annoyed the longer she stays on WhatsApp and I don’t communicate with her. She wants me to chase her but the first time she ended the relationship I was suicidal and the second time while very hurt, I had an insight into the fact that she is most likely a narcissist herself. NPD is a subject she claims to be an expert on since her mother was a narcissist. She basically declares anybody who ever disagrees with her as a narc. What to do? I love her but the relationship is done. She was never the person I thought she was and this raging banshee is not somebody I can spend five minutes with. Will she ever go back to the lovely person I met in the  idealisation stage? I know the answer really, but just thought I’d ask the question.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.