When your BPD child is living in denial...

[Cinamom2010]

Hi there,
My son was diagnosed with BPD this year. His mental and physical state had deteriorated so much we had to place him in an inpatient mental health facility for a month. He has and does say all the right things to his therapists but I see the same person who doesn’t want to do the work too change. My husband and I feel like we’re walking on eggshells every day - just waiting for what the next interaction will be. I feel trapped in my own house and life because his struggles have been going on for almost 9 years with his diagnosis only this year. I am tired, feeling completely disrespected and hopeless. Help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Normlee]

Cinamom2010,
Welcome, you're in yhe right place. We understand how you're feeling because so many of us have been or are in the same place. My son is in denial too. He doesn't understand why his life keeps falling apart nor why his wife just left him. He'd rather be in a hospital right now than alone. I'm fairly new here myself. There is so much kind support, and information that will help you if you check out the library...
First thing though. Think of something you can do that nurtures you. What makes you feel a little better doing it. Self care is important- you are under a lot of stress. Self care seems like the last thing we should be doing but it really helps. Also, write more about how your feeling and what things are like with your son. It helps to share and people will know how to offer suggestions.
Hugs, Normlee

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Cinamom
I join Normlee in welcoming you to the group. I am glad you found us. We know what it is like to have a child with BPD, that walking on eggshells feeling never knowing when the next outburst is coming. It is very painful. The good news is there is a lot we can do to make things better. Normlee gave you great advice about self care. Posting here is self care. What else are you or could you be doing ? Have you thought about therapy for yourself?
Hugs
Faith

[livednlearned]

Does he accept his diagnosis? Did his mental and physical state deteriorate after he received the dx?

With therapy, it can be slow going. One step forward, three steps back.

Is he receiving dialectical behavior therapy?

How are you and your H doing together through all of this? The family can really take a hit when there's the one-two punch of mental illness plus the splitting effects of BPD.

[Cinamom2010]

Thank you all for the warm welcome. You sound so resolved and calm...which is not where I am at yet. Our son uses his diagnosis as a crutch to not do the work or take care of his responsibilities but flips to being completely fine and competent when he wants to do what he wants to. I feel like he jumps on and off the boat and my H and I are on and seasick from all the waves that keep crashing at us. I do take care of myself (friends, walks, quiet time, creating a relaxation space) but I feel guilty for those things. Like I am a bad mom because of the feelings I feel and frankly because I do not enjoy being with my son. Thankfully my H and I are rock solid and are on the same page! All of our therapists are trying to get him to buy in and do the work but we’ve had no luck yet. Feels like what we’re doing is a waste of all of our time and that our son is calling the shots. We are trying but nothing seems to be helping...

Thank you again, your notes were the highlight of my night. : )