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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: I think I’m beyond help right now. I’ve never been so low - Part 4  (Read 327 times)
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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Romantic partner
Posts: 15015

« Reply #30 on: September 11, 2019, 02:10:19 PM »

Can you just check the box?  Bullet: completed (click to insert in post)

         _____ I realize that I have been running from fire to fire to avoid my own feelings of pain and I want to affect my own rescue before I go down again

_____  I am an innocent victim of a terrible injustice at the hand of others and need victim recovery care

Yes, the choice is a bit black and white, we are really just trying to gauge the primary direction to work with you here.

We will respect your choice. And hopefully you can find support here.

RF, help me understand how this basic choice was skipped over.



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Gender: Female
Posts: 146

« Reply #31 on: September 11, 2019, 02:31:26 PM »

I agree, I am not responsible for his actions when my ex attacked me.  I am responsible for ignoring red flags and staying in a relationship with an emotionally immature person.  I took the next right action to protect myself with an order of protection so he can no longer attack me.  I am responsible for bettering myself and making better choices in relationships.

My ex was not arrested, even though the police were called both times.  It is not my job to show people that he's a bad person.  I honestly don't think he's a horrible person, he's been through some horrendous situations and doesn't have good coping skills.  That is his to work out.  I don't need to exact any sort of revenge.  His own actions lost him a place to live and a good life with animals he adored.  Despite his actions, he sees himself as the victim.

I seek to find my own happiness and see where I made mistakes in my choices.  There's an old saying - the best revenge is living well.  I pray for him and hope that he finds healing and happiness.  Whatever happens to him, he will not be in my life.

You have remarked that she was a terrible person, yet you wish you at gone to the movies with her?  How do you reconcile those thoughts?
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