I'm not alone?

[Depression = 72% of members]

HOLY SMOKES! In reading the stories here, I feel like I could have written them myself. I never knew there were so many parents out there going through the exact same thing with their DILs.
I had 25 amazing, fun, adventurous, loving years with my son... couldn't have been closer. 5 years later, I've had so much injected into my world; forced drama, daily tantrums over non-existent problems, anxiety, fear of imperfection, fear of abandonment, jealousy, the blame game, being accused, "You're a crazy &*%$# bitch!" The list goes on and on while we stand around scratching our heads.
I was the last family member on my son's side allowed into their world, and now I've been banished too because I'm such a danger to their family. She's threatening a restraining order, yet again, to protect her children. Congratulations [DIL] you have finally booted out the last family member standing, and now you have all the control and my son all to yourself. Does she really think all her problems are going to go away now? The problem wasn't the other 20 family members you've publicly persecuted.
HOW in the hell did my son get so brain washed in all of this? He says they need space and he's not going to talk to me for "a while." Why? Wth did I do? I'll tell ya- nothing. I've gone over it a million times. I've been to a counselor. I've been evaluated thoroughly. Have you son? Have you DIL? Why not? Don't want to hear what they have to say?
I'm new to this thing where I am banished and have to sit in waiting thing. If he wants to stay away, that reallllly hurts. No one knows me better than him, and he should know that I'm no danger to a freaking fly. All I've done is love and support them in many different ways. The part that's KILLING me is my beloved grand daughters 5 & 2, who are innocently trapped in the middle. We love each other. Why are they being punished too? I miss my son. I miss my grand daughters. I love them all so very much. I'm physically having chest pains with a broken heart. Every single day, every hour, every minute, every second.
I've just ordered a book, "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder- new tools and techniques to stop walking on eggshells." I feel like nothing will help until she gets help & diagnosed... but like that's gonna happen because there's nothing wrong with her, it's all me. I made it all up in my head. I'm the one with mental problems. Ug.

[bemasoner]

HOLY SMOKES! In reading the stories here, I feel like I could have written them myself. I never knew there were so many parents out there going through the exact same thing with their DILs.
I had 25 amazing, fun, adventurous, loving years with my son... couldn't have been closer. 5 years later, I've had so much injected into my world; forced drama, daily tantrums over non-existent problems, anxiety, fear of imperfection, fear of abandonment, jealousy, the blame game, being accused, "You're a crazy &*%$# bitch!" The list goes on and on while we stand around scratching our heads.
I was the last family member on my son's side allowed into their world, and now I've been banished too because I'm such a danger to their family. She's threatening a restraining order, yet again, to protect her children. Congratulations [DIL] you have finally booted out the last family member standing, and now you have all the control and my son all to yourself. Does she really think all her problems are going to go away now? The problem wasn't the other 20 family members you've publicly persecuted.
HOW in the hell did my son get so brain washed in all of this? He says they need space and he's not going to talk to me for "a while." Why? Wth did I do? I'll tell ya- nothing. I've gone over it a million times. I've been to a counselor. I've been evaluated thoroughly. Have you son? Have you DIL? Why not? Don't want to hear what they have to say?
I'm new to this thing where I am banished and have to sit in waiting thing. If he wants to stay away, that reallllly hurts. No one knows me better than him, and he should know that I'm no danger to a freaking fly. All I've done is love and support them in many different ways. The part that's KILLING me is my beloved grand daughters 5 & 2, who are innocently trapped in the middle. We love each other. Why are they being punished too? I miss my son. I miss my grand daughters. I love them all so very much. I'm physically having chest pains with a broken heart. Every single day, every hour, every minute, every second.
I've just ordered a book, "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder- new tools and techniques to stop walking on eggshells." I feel like nothing will help until she gets help & diagnosed... but like that's gonna happen because there's nothing wrong with her, it's all me. I made it all up in my head. I'm the one with mental problems. Ug.

[Longterm]

  bemasoner

Welcome to the family.

You are correct, there are a lot here struggling with their relationships with a pwBPD. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now and we understand how difficult it can be.

   I'm such a danger to their family. She's threatening a restraining order, yet again, to protect her children. 

The false accusations can be tough and very upsetting. I have been on the receiving end as many others here have. Honour your own truth here and try not to get bogged down into the dissonance.

  and now you have all the control and my son all to yourself

Try not to take this personally, a pwBPD will often isolate their significant other because of their fear of abandonment, it really has very little to do with you and there is not a lot you could have done.

  The part that's KILLING me is my beloved grand daughters 5 & 2,

This cannot be easy and I really feel for you.

You are not alone here.

LT.

[SadtimesAZ]

I just showed your post to my mother. My ex did the same thing methodically cutting me off from everyone including her. She instantly identified too. My ex did everything very covertly until the end when the outright threats started. It's going to be a hard lesson to learn when your son gets the axe dropped on him. I was about his age too. It really is like being brainwashed. This stage isn't the worst of it, if they get divorced it will trigger a battle that will probably last for the rest of their lives.

[Panda39]

Hi Bemasoner,

Welcome to the the BPD Family 

It really is freaky how similar our stories can get, I remember thinking the same thing when I arrived here.  I'm sorry your daughter-in-law (DIL) has been isolating your son.  Sadly, this is not uncommon. 

I'm on these boards because my Partner has an undiagnosed BPD ex-wife and they share 2 daughters.  She tried to alienate their daughters something similar to what your DIL is doing.  There is a lot of black and white thinking with those suffering from BPD so it becomes a "you're either with me or against me" kind of thing or in your case probably something more like "you love me or you love your mom".  She can't see the gray area which is your son love's both of you.

I hear how painful this is for you and as a mom I relate to how horrible this must be to watch.  We want to protect our kids, but sometimes they need to learn things the hard way.  My Partner and I watched as his daughters did exactly that.  It sounds like your son is the son you raised, the son that values his marriage vows, that wants to work on his relationship with his wife, and create a happy life for her...he is likely a great young man trying to do the right thing.  All of this would be great but if he is married to someone with BPD/Mental Illness everything gets off kilter.

Are you able to talk with him at all...while he is at work for example?   Or is that a betrayal of his wife too?

Can you share more about the types of behaviors you are seeing from your DIL? What happened that led to cutting you off too? 

You are not alone, there is support here, information, tools, and just a listening ear when you need to vent.  I'm glad you jumped in keep participating if you are like me you will find it helpful.

Hang in there
Panda39