Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
June 15, 2024, 06:28:50 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: What do you say when your SO won't stop blaming you for her behavior?  (Read 405 times)
Olaf

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4


« on: September 29, 2019, 09:17:43 PM »

I'm trying not to take it personally, to admit my faults, to partially agree. I've read Walking on Eggshells trying to use SET and DEARMAN, but I'm totally at a loss. She won't stop saying I drove her to do these things (extremely dangerous behavior and drinking) and I have to stop triggering her.

She won't accept that I'm trying. She says I'm not making a safe environment for her. I keep trying to move out but she says that only I can help her.

She says she not in control after she is triggered. But random things trigger her at random times.

I think I am developing second-hand BPD because now my distress tolerance is near zero.  

When I say I need a break because its too much, she says I'm being defensive and nothing is ever resolved because I won't take responsibility for myself.

How do you say "Please stop I'm at my breaking point!" without that being another trigger?
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

MrsDarling

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 6


« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2019, 11:54:42 PM »

Olaf you don’t need her permission to live your life without her drama. You can’t control whether she uses your leaving as a trigger or not. And your staying is also leading her blaming you as a trigger. You can’t avoid her blaming you. So you might as well do what you need to do to take care of YOURSELF.

I need to share a famous Mary Oliver poem here. 




One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life that you could save.
 
 
 
Mary Oliver
The Journey
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!