First experience with BPD

First let me start off by saying how thankful I am to stumble upon this website. I have already read many articles and personal experiences on how people are handling their current situation and it is making this whole process a lot easier to know I am not a lone.

I started seeing my BPD girlfriend back in May and it was just as you'd expect. I was at a point in my life where everything was going perfect. I was sober for 5 months and lost 50 pounds. I felt amazing, so by meeting her it felt like my stars were really aligning. She was the most kind, compassionate and caring person, at least in the beginning. She even warned me that she was depressed and suffers from BPD. I had no idea what it was at the time and didn't bother on doing any research. I was blinded by love instantly.

As time went on we hit the ground running fast! She had me believe that she wanted to get healthy and wanted to participate in all of my activities like bike riding, bowling, working out, ect. She moved in with me very quickly and I was reluctant to let her move in. I didn't think it was a great idea considering it would add another 30 minutes to her already 30 minute drive time to work. She reassured me everything would be fine and it just makes sense! She paid a couple thousand dollars to get out of her lease early when I said we should just wait until your lease is up and then we can think about living together. So then she hit me with the "you're not sure you love me are you?" Noticing how upset she was about to get I quickly changed my mind and went a long with it anyways.

Long story short she lived with me for 3 months and I noticed things start to change very very quickly in that time. Depression started to set in, she realized the drive time was absolutely killing her, she was no longer a short drive away from her friends either and she didn't really like the house I am living in. All of our communication slowly dwindled. I was starting to notice the "tough" conversations would really trigger her and completely ruin her mood. These conversations were your typical bills situation and where are we going to move to after our time is done in my house. I have never experienced this type of lack of communication in my life. I completely opened up to her. My family loved her, she only met my friends a couple times. She stopped wanting to hang out with my friends and family and stopped wanting to literally do anything at all.

I tried to help her as much as I could, being compassionate about her depression and just being there for her. I talked about her maybe getting help and she told me she doesn't want to talk to some stranger about her problems. She tried to kill herself 3 years ago and this is when she was forced to see a psychiatrist and get some help. I was terrified that she might try and do that while with me after seeing how downhill things went very quickly.

She decided she wanted to move back into her own apartment again, this sincerely crushed me when she told me this. She promised me everything was going to be fine living with me and then this. Once she told me about wanting to move back to her old place I felt as if the writing was on the wall that we aren't meant to be. I felt betrayed and I was still doing everything I could to keep us happy and together. Nothing seemed to be working. My sense of humor, my wit, my compassion all seemed to have very little to no effect on her mood. Everyday became a question in my mind which type of person am I going to have today? The majority of the time it was the depressed, not wanting to communicate, giving me silent treatment after silent treatment type of person.

I finally told her I've had enough and I am not happy and couldn't keep living this way anymore. She already had plans to move back and we were supposed to stay together and go back to how things were when we met. I ended it 3 days before she fully moved out onto her own. I offered to help her with everything and she refused my help. She told me shes changing her number, wants nothing to do with me, I treated her like _____ and hopes I won't treat a future girlfriend like that. We had gotten into 3 fights that I can remember where I was just so frustrated with the lack of communication that I lost my temper and yelled at her.

Anyways, I'm now single and pretty hurt myself. I couldn't believe what just had happened in my life and how anyone wouldn't want to try and help themselves. It seemed like she was happy living in misery.

I don't really know what I'm looking for from this post, just sort of felt the need to vent.



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