The smallest thing can turn a conversation. What did I do/say wrong?

[Depression = 72% of members]

So.  Having a normal text conversation with my BPD wife.  Then it went south and she start talking lawyer.  Here is the conversation:  (My wife has been gone 4 months now and comes over to help with my special needs son)

Wife:  I won't be there Friday so you can go to your Black Belt workout.
Me:    Ok, I'll figure something out or miss it.  I thought you had said you'd watch him for Black Belt workouts?
Wife:  Really?
Me:    I just need help to do my stuff too.
Wife: I get it Gadget but if you want to fight about it then we will.  I already am driving there early for baths and there almost every Sunday for Karate.  I just asked you to get Respite care and get some financial help and you don't.
Me:   I am not fighting.  I will figure it out myself.
Wife: I am so frustrated Gadget.  I don't understand you.  And I did watch him the last time for Black Belt and becuse this time I don't want to, I get this PLEASE READ.  I'm done.  Do not ask my dad either.  He is an old man.  I guess we need to sit down with a lawyr and figure this out.
Me:   Why?  I'm only asking for the help you previously said you'd do.  He's your son too.  I'm not asking for anything outside what we previously discussed and you'd agreed to.
Wife:  Do you understand that in a year he is going to need full time care?  WHo is going to do that Gadget ?
Me:   2 years.  And yes I understand that.  And I will figure it out.  Why get a lawyer?  I've done nothing towards you to deserve that.
Wife:  We are seperated and before it gets ugly we need everything in writing.  I don't want to fight but financially I am ruined and struggling.  To add to the stress you throw in "He is your son too" in there.  I am trying but I am F'ing tired emotionally and physically.  And it is only 1 year.
Me:  I know we are seperated and I'm sorry its financially hard for you.  I don't ever want it to get ugly.  I wasn't trying to stress you out with our Son comment.  He just needs you and your time. And it is 2 years.  He will be in school when he turns 26, so he will be allowed to continue from the 2020 to 2021 school year.  I don't want to fight with you.  That never ever was my intention.  I am just trying to get by as best I can and not fight with you.
Wife:  Ok

What the heck?  Did I say something SO wrong?  Is this common?

Ugh!

Any input would be greatly appreciated

Gadget

[gadget]

So.  Having a normal text conversation with my BPD wife.  Then it went south and she start talking lawyer.  Here is the conversation:  (My wife has been gone 4 months now and comes over to help with my special needs son)

Wife:  I won't be there Friday so you can go to your Black Belt workout.
Me:    Ok, I'll figure something out or miss it.  I thought you had said you'd watch him for Black Belt workouts?
Wife:  Really?
Me:    I just need help to do my stuff too.
Wife: I get it Gadget but if you want to fight about it then we will.  I already am driving there early for baths and there almost every Sunday for Karate.  I just asked you to get Respite care and get some financial help and you don't.
Me:   I am not fighting.  I will figure it out myself.
Wife: I am so frustrated Gadget.  I don't understand you.  And I did watch him the last time for Black Belt and becuse this time I don't want to, I get this PLEASE READ.  I'm done.  Do not ask my dad either.  He is an old man.  I guess we need to sit down with a lawyr and figure this out.
Me:   Why?  I'm only asking for the help you previously said you'd do.  He's your son too.  I'm not asking for anything outside what we previously discussed and you'd agreed to.
Wife:  Do you understand that in a year he is going to need full time care?  WHo is going to do that Gadget ?
Me:   2 years.  And yes I understand that.  And I will figure it out.  Why get a lawyer?  I've done nothing towards you to deserve that.
Wife:  We are seperated and before it gets ugly we need everything in writing.  I don't want to fight but financially I am ruined and struggling.  To add to the stress you throw in "He is your son too" in there.  I am trying but I am F'ing tired emotionally and physically.  And it is only 1 year.
Me:  I know we are seperated and I'm sorry its financially hard for you.  I don't ever want it to get ugly.  I wasn't trying to stress you out with our Son comment.  He just needs you and your time. And it is 2 years.  He will be in school when he turns 26, so he will be allowed to continue from the 2020 to 2021 school year.  I don't want to fight with you.  That never ever was my intention.  I am just trying to get by as best I can and not fight with you.
Wife:  Ok

What the heck?  Did I say something SO wrong?  Is this common?

Ugh!

Any input would be greatly appreciated

Gadget

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

my take is that this was a moment of frustration between two people whom are separated.

she escalated fairly quickly, and vented her frustration, some of which didnt have to do with you. maybe it was a bad day.

you ended well. she got back to baseline. it was a good recovery.

all things considered, things got heated, but didnt break down completely. sometimes, in these cases, thats the best you can hope for.

[gadget]

Thanks for your input once removed!

I'm glad I did OK in that situation.  I just had therapy today too.  And my T is happy with how well I'm doing/coping.  Even made it sound like come back if you want, but it isn't needed.  I will still continue to go.

I also asked my T how Compassion Fatigue is treated.  She said the treatment is similar to PTSD treatment.

Thanks again!  Makes me feel better that I didn't do so bad

Gadget

[Stillhopeful4]

Hi Gadget,

Sometimes they just blindside us with these things out of the blue.  It's almost like they are waiting for us to react in a negative manner.  Looks like you did a good job at the end of cooling things down!  Yay for you.

Sorry things are so difficult for you, especially because of your ds.   

SH4

[gadget]

Howdy SH4!

I feel that way too.  Like they are looking for anything that they can lash out at us for.  Glad ya'll think I did good in cooling it down.  She usually does cool down after I get to speak and say my piece.  She always jumps to the most negative/worst outcome before I can get my whole story out.

Thanks for the well wishes.  I'm doing fine.  Getting stronger each day.  Haven't had any sadness breakdowns lately.

I got this! 

Gadget

[Stillhopeful4]

Getting stronger each day.  Haven't had any sadness breakdowns lately.

I got this! 

  This is great to hear!