Tornado touch down. We had gone many days with moderation

[Lola B]

I go back and forth deciding if I should qualify my daughter as BPD. When she is even, she is respectful and somewhat reasonable. Then I get this. She came home “to get her meds” which she can get at school. She told me about thing after thing that went wrong or was awful. She didn’t call a shrink to get an appointment (she is 19). She was furious when I told her the habit of getting enraged on the road is unsafe and threw her food across the table onto the floor. I prepared my things to go up to my bedroom and she called me a coward and many other words I won’t type here.

I am absolutely being abused on a regular basis, can’t imagine a way out of this, and am furious that this is my life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

I hate that this is how you are living. Can you think of any way to make it better?

[Lola B]

I have stayed fairly regulated when she disregulates. My brain injury causes impulsivity and a short fuse, which mostly isn’t triggered but with her it is. I take a med which helps a lot, but this can’t persist. Within minutes she apologizes and has self loathing which breaks my heart. I’ve learned not to overwhelm her and when she has remorse to gain agreement about things like meds, a psychiatrist, obligations, etc.

We don’t have help and she feels very guilty about the crash, which she takes out on me. I pray that she heals miraculously as I have.

How can we change this? I don’t know. I have started praying again. I have a therapist and take meds and we are getting her on that plan also.  I am not bashful about asking whoever reads this to please pray for us. I will pray for all the families represented on this site.

[PeaceMom]

Lola,
You are doing the right thing by not trying to get to her when she’s down. It’s so tempting to go in on some kind of “take back mission” when they are not on the offense. You are compassionate and that is obvious.

How does DD feel about seeing a new T? If she’s showing remorse she must be aware of her inappropriate behavior. Insight is a sign of emotional maturity.

My DD NEVER apologizes. It’s virtually impossible for her to say she’s sorry. “Thank you” is rare, too. I suppose if she admits she’s wrong, it takes her self protective wall down and the guilt and shame crush her. Sad sad stuff.

I am happy to pray for you and DD. Prioritize the self care as the only protection we have in these relationships is keeping our own cup full.

[Lola B]

Thank you for the kindness and insights. I pray for your family too.