Feeling Numb Towards Daughter

[Wyld_Stallyns]

My 13 yr old daughter was dx with BPD, ADHD, and possible Bipolar disorder this August after a battery of testing. She’s been in counseling for 2 years related to her then 6 yr old brother feeling bullied by her. We are doing everything we can, but she is awful to us. She’s a dream at school and everyone raves about her. She makes straight A’s too. She does so well everywhere but at home. It feels like she can control the outbursts, but just lets it flow at home. Her counselor thinks she explodes on us because we are her “safe place”. I don’t feel that way. This is really effecting our family negatively. I feel so bad for her, but also feel like everything she does is to manipulate us. Idk what to do. It feels like any joy is gone from our family. We love her and don’t want this life for her of family distancing themselves.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello WyldStallyn
Welcome to the group. You are in the right place to get help and support. We get it because we all have similar struggles. It is hard to live with a child who suffers from BPD.. It can make it feel like the joy has gone out of our lives. I get to that joyless place too sometimes. I imagine it is very hard to know your daughter is capable of showing her best to others but decompensates at home. Why do you not agree that this has to do with you being safe space?

[Onedayatatime73]

Hi,

I feel I can relate to you. My 15 year old daughter is polite to others at school, her therapist etc. She's hardest on my husband, her dad and her brother at times. She's usually not mean to me but rather extremely needy and negative about her life and others. Have you been to a NAMI meeting? I find them helpful. I also have a good therapist. I hope you keep sharing here. You're not alone

[Rhym247]

I know how you feel. Our 15 yo daughter also has BPD and the last year has been absolute hell. She, like your daughter, is great with teachers, therapists, counselors, etc...but at home a different story. She is a good student, very smart...but, began to move from one bf to another in her freshman year and began sneaking out of the house, vaping, and generally lying to us about many things. She was hospitalized several times. The only positive thing about the hospital stays was that her father, brother and I got some respite. She was transferred to a therapeutic boarding school a month ago and while it is hard not having our girl at home, she is getting the help she needs and is doing better.

My thoughts are to read all you can about DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Marsha M. Linehan. She is an American psychologist and author. She is the creator of dialectical behavior therapy, a type of psychotherapy that combines behavioral science with Buddhist concepts like acceptance and mindfulness. It is very effective for BPD's. Try to find a support group in your area and take care of yourself...you're not alone.