I've posted about her before, but it's gotten to the point where it sounds like that she's ready to commit.
In short, we met through work earlier this year and started out as great friends. I began falling in love with her, which I later told her. She didn't know whether she felt the same about me initially, so we went back and forth between being friends and lovers. We never had sex, however, but we did kiss, make out, touch each other, and sleep together. There were a few times where we intentionally broke contact. Either because she needed space away from me to figure out whether or not she actually liked me in that way or not. Or it would be me that needed space away from her to calm my feelings for her down because we agreed to be friends "from now on". She's hooked up with a few guys and dated two of them in the time that I've known her. She dumped both guys in favor of me, and we indirectly became exclusive with each other. Even though we kissed and slept together etc. (no sex), we didn't label our relationship as anything else than a friendship.
One day, the guy that she had previously dated texted her and explained that he couldn't get over her. She told me that she wanted to get back together with him, but only as friends with benefits because she genuinely isn't interested in him beyond sex. I explained that I wasn't comfortable with being her so-called "emotional tampon", but that is was fine by me as long as we stopped doing non-friend things together. In other words, I told her that I wanted to stop all intimacy between us if she wanted to hook up with the other guy and that it's for my own sanity's sake. The day after, she texted me that she felt like we couldn't remain friends without the intimacy. She explained that "we're so attracted to each other that we can't keep our hands away from each other, which is why we can't be friends anymore". She proceeded to block me from all social media and not pay me any attention whenever we bumped into each other. A couple of days later, she texted me again telling me that she had been so stupid to pick him instead of me. She explained that nothing ended up happening between the two of them and that she's in love with me. She let me look through their texts to prove that nothing ended up happening between them (which I can confirm). She also explained that she felt like she needed to escape in him to not fall madly in love with me. She's afraid that if it doesn't work out between us that she'll lose me forever.
We've spent every day together since then, and we've gotten more intimate with each other than ever. There's been a couple of nights where we've talked about us and why she's so hesitant to get serious with me.
- She knows from experience that she's not capable of being in a relationship (fear of abandonment).
- I'm a virgin, and I've never been in a relationship or dated before (fear of abandonment).
- She thinks that she's too big of a mouthful for me (fear of abandonment).
She explained to me one night, however, that she's ready to go all in with me and that I'm stuck with her now. She wants to be more "girlfriend-y" around me (we've started kissing each other goodbye for example). We had stopped kissing after going back to being "just friends", which she explained is because kissing made it feel more real to her. She's even told me that she's seriously considered removing her relationship status on Facebook. On Sunday, she'd like me to move in with her for two weeks or so to see if I can handle her bad days among other things.
