I need love too

[Jdf88]

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 years but we’ve been  on and off for the last couple of years. I’ve come to learn she suffers from BPD and she is in complete denial, though at times it feels like a small part of her knows she needs to seek help for it. I’ve done and said things to cause pain, though I was acting in defense it’s still no excuse on my part. She always seems to tell me all the things I want to hear and then the next moment telling me all things that’s wrong with me. One of the most frustrating things is when I say something and she internalizes it how she wants to and not how I intended it. Even when I explain what I meant by it, she still believes what she wants to believe. I’m constantly feeling guilty that because I’m not working or making money that I deserve her verbal & physical abuse. Weird thing is that she’s in therapy and yet she more confusing now than ever before. She comes off very selfish although she gives money for a metro card and buy food for dinner when I don’t have it. But I feel like she uses that as leverage to keep me trapped inside the relationship. Just when things seem to get better and she’s positive then something all of a sudden shifts again and she speaking on all things negative.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Silverstars]

I wish I had some solid advice to give you but I just wanted to let you know that I feel EXACTLY like you do and that you're not the only one. One of the most frustrating things about being in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD is how things get good and then all of a sudden (feels like as SOON as they get good) they fall apart.
I can also totally relate when you say that there has been negative stuff that you've said in defence. I've been there- I've reached a point where sometimes I say really nasty things to defend myself but then I feel guilty about them for months afterward.

[Radcliff]

You are not alone.  Like Silverstars, many members have had experiences similar to yours.  Can you tell us about obstacles you may face with regards to working?  That definitely can be a tough additional thing to deal with as you point out.  Can you tell us more about the physical abuse?  That topic as well is not unfamiliar.

RC