Ghosting next steps

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi again.  Its been a month now since the "incident" where uBPD bf fell and broke ribs and was angry and broke up with me when I did not see him in person right away.  I did visit him live and apologized and he seemed to accept it.  We made light talk by phone the day after the apology. But since then, he definitely has changed his behavior drastically.  He will respond with distant, vague, but polite replies to my texts which I send about once a week but he does not initiate any. And he does not call.  He is in the cave.

For the first few weeks of NC, I was pretty ok and occupied with work and kids.  But after a month of no contact, I am starting to feel anxious.  Many of his things are at my home as he "lived" with me by staying over 3 or 4 times a week.  (Its been 11 years of this pattern).  So I am trying to wait it out, but am feeling like maybe it is time to pack up all his belongings and return them to him.   I do not want to cut ties, but he doesn't seem to want to be in relationship.  He knows this is a big year for my daughter who has repeatedly told him how important he was in her life and that he was more like a father to her than her real dad.  But he has not surfaced for her big events as planned.

In the past, he ghosted (during this same time of year...hmmm) and the pattern is that I was the one to try and mend the relationship and we would rejoin for the T-giving or Christmas holidays and pickup again.  Maybe it's time for me to let go this time and this makes me very sad.  Limbo is a difficult place to be.  My mind is thinking about packing the items up and holding them but not contacting him at this time and just continuing to wait it out.  

Would welcome insights and advice.

[calmboom]

Hi again.  Its been a month now since the "incident" where uBPD bf fell and broke ribs and was angry and broke up with me when I did not see him in person right away.  I did visit him live and apologized and he seemed to accept it.  We made light talk by phone the day after the apology. But since then, he definitely has changed his behavior drastically.  He will respond with distant, vague, but polite replies to my texts which I send about once a week but he does not initiate any. And he does not call.  He is in the cave.

For the first few weeks of NC, I was pretty ok and occupied with work and kids.  But after a month of no contact, I am starting to feel anxious.  Many of his things are at my home as he "lived" with me by staying over 3 or 4 times a week.  (Its been 11 years of this pattern).  So I am trying to wait it out, but am feeling like maybe it is time to pack up all his belongings and return them to him.   I do not want to cut ties, but he doesn't seem to want to be in relationship.  He knows this is a big year for my daughter who has repeatedly told him how important he was in her life and that he was more like a father to her than her real dad.  But he has not surfaced for her big events as planned.

In the past, he ghosted (during this same time of year...hmmm) and the pattern is that I was the one to try and mend the relationship and we would rejoin for the T-giving or Christmas holidays and pickup again.  Maybe it's time for me to let go this time and this makes me very sad.  Limbo is a difficult place to be.  My mind is thinking about packing the items up and holding them but not contacting him at this time and just continuing to wait it out.  

Would welcome insights and advice.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

I'm sorry you're in limbo, sorry for your daughter's disappointment, and sorry for the sadness.  You're on a journey that is going to take some time, and the route and destination is still up in the air.  A close friend of mine once advised me to "embrace the questions."  I interpreted this to mean give myself permission to not know where things were headed, and to be OK with it for a while.  This worked well for me, and I found I needed that time to get in touch with my feelings and figure out what I needed in a relationship.

Regarding his stuff, you might let that take some time, too.  You can pack it up but not give it to him just yet.  You could pack it up gradually, starting at whatever place feels best to you.

RC