Confronting suicidal mother who doesn't believe she has bpd and coping

[Depression = 72% of members]

My mother is currently in emerge because she has been really depressed and suicidal for the last couple of weeks. The first time, my brother wasn't speaking to her for awhile because he was upset with her (they had gotten into an argument). She was destraught about him not speaking to her and I think she felt abandoned. It got to the point where she became suicidal and had to be taken to emerge. She wasn't admitted. Luckily they weren't to therapy and worked it out. The next Saturday, my mother had a book launch for her first book and then put family and some family friends went out for dinner. She asked my dad to make a nice speech. He said something about being proud of her but it wasn't very loud or very long. She seemed fine when I talked to her 2 days afterwards but then yesterday she was very depressed again and my sister took her to emerge. She's waiting to be admitted to an inpatient program and has been there for 2 nights. She's there voluntarily so she can leave whenever she wants. She has a bed and a room that she is sharing with someone else but she's getting really frustrated and I'm afraid that she's going to leave. I visited her yesterday because my sister asked me to. She doesn't want my dad to visit her because she's mad at him for not making a proper speech at the dinner (my dad's not good at that stuff). She also said she was mad that my dad hadn't made phone calls to see the therapist he was going to go to for his own trauma evethough she knows there's a 6 month wait time for him to get in and he still has to wait a couple more months. It seems like she's just looking for a reason to be mad at him, which isn't surprising. The doctors didn't know about the bpd and were treating her for her bipolar disorder. Her depression could very well be worse if her medication isn't high enough. Before my sister and I left the hospital yesterday, we talked to the doctor about my mom's bpd because we want her to get help for that. We asked him not to tell our mom that we had talked to him about it because we were worried she would get mad at us. He told us that he didn't have any obligation to keep it secret, which I knew. I'm worried that my mom found out that we talked to the doctor about it and is mad at us. I called her this morning to see how she was and to try to encourage her to stay there but she hasn't called me back yet (the only reason I can think of is because she found out and is mad at me). It makes me really anxious when she gets mad at me. It triggers me because she used to get so mad when I was younger and I felt helpless and terrified. I feel like I go back to feeling like that terrified and helpless child when she gets mad. She was so emotionally and psychologically abusive and it really triggers me when she gets upset. She being suicidal really triggers me too because she attempted to take her life when I was 14 and I saved her. She was in a rage and lost it with my 2 younger siblings at home. My dad wasn't home and this was before cellphones. I was trying to calm my little brother down and I heard her walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I had this feeling that something was really wrong. I got this adrenaline, opened  the bathroom door somehow (I think it was locked) and broke the belt in half that she had around her neck that was attached to the shower rod. She was trying to hang herself. I then called 911 and had to look after my siblings until my dad got home. I've tried to deal with the memory for years while talking with therapists but nothing has worked. Everytime she gets suicidal I have flashbacks of that moment and I get so anxious and overwhelmed. I just moved, I'm unemployed and looking for jobs. I have interviews coming up. I have anxiety disorder and I've been really anxious just having to do interviews. The extra stress with my mother has made it so much worse. I also have to commute back to the city from my new place in order to see her which takes up a lot of time. I spend a lot of time alone at home because my partner works full-time. I'm not angry at my mom. I know that bpd is a legit mental illness and that it makes her really depressed. I would go no contact if my parents were divorced. I haven't because then it would be really hard to see the rest of my family. I'm also financially dependent on them because they're helping me to pay off my student loans and they leant me money since I'm unemployed. I don't know what to do. I love my mom and I want her to be ok. It's just so overwhelming and I don't want to not be able to see the rest of my family. My sister, who is the fixer and does a lot to help my mom, is also my best friend. I don't want to be isolated from them, especially because I live far away from all of my friends now too. I was really nervous about talking to the doctor about her bpd but I feel like nothing is going to change if it doesn't get addressed. When my mom is ok she can be the most loving person ever and a big support for me. I feel so torn and so afraid that she is mad at me. I'm also so tired of dealing with her drama and the suicide threats.

[wmm]

My mother is currently in emerge because she has been really depressed and suicidal for the last couple of weeks. The first time, my brother wasn't speaking to her for awhile because he was upset with her (they had gotten into an argument). She was destraught about him not speaking to her and I think she felt abandoned. It got to the point where she became suicidal and had to be taken to emerge. She wasn't admitted. Luckily they weren't to therapy and worked it out. The next Saturday, my mother had a book launch for her first book and then put family and some family friends went out for dinner. She asked my dad to make a nice speech. He said something about being proud of her but it wasn't very loud or very long. She seemed fine when I talked to her 2 days afterwards but then yesterday she was very depressed again and my sister took her to emerge. She's waiting to be admitted to an inpatient program and has been there for 2 nights. She's there voluntarily so she can leave whenever she wants. She has a bed and a room that she is sharing with someone else but she's getting really frustrated and I'm afraid that she's going to leave. I visited her yesterday because my sister asked me to. She doesn't want my dad to visit her because she's mad at him for not making a proper speech at the dinner (my dad's not good at that stuff). She also said she was mad that my dad hadn't made phone calls to see the therapist he was going to go to for his own trauma evethough she knows there's a 6 month wait time for him to get in and he still has to wait a couple more months. It seems like she's just looking for a reason to be mad at him, which isn't surprising. The doctors didn't know about the bpd and were treating her for her bipolar disorder. Her depression could very well be worse if her medication isn't high enough. Before my sister and I left the hospital yesterday, we talked to the doctor about my mom's bpd because we want her to get help for that. We asked him not to tell our mom that we had talked to him about it because we were worried she would get mad at us. He told us that he didn't have any obligation to keep it secret, which I knew. I'm worried that my mom found out that we talked to the doctor about it and is mad at us. I called her this morning to see how she was and to try to encourage her to stay there but she hasn't called me back yet (the only reason I can think of is because she found out and is mad at me). It makes me really anxious when she gets mad at me. It triggers me because she used to get so mad when I was younger and I felt helpless and terrified. I feel like I go back to feeling like that terrified and helpless child when she gets mad. She was so emotionally and psychologically abusive and it really triggers me when she gets upset. She being suicidal really triggers me too because she attempted to take her life when I was 14 and I saved her. She was in a rage and lost it with my 2 younger siblings at home. My dad wasn't home and this was before cellphones. I was trying to calm my little brother down and I heard her walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I had this feeling that something was really wrong. I got this adrenaline, opened  the bathroom door somehow (I think it was locked) and broke the belt in half that she had around her neck that was attached to the shower rod. She was trying to hang herself. I then called 911 and had to look after my siblings until my dad got home. I've tried to deal with the memory for years while talking with therapists but nothing has worked. Everytime she gets suicidal I have flashbacks of that moment and I get so anxious and overwhelmed. I just moved, I'm unemployed and looking for jobs. I have interviews coming up. I have anxiety disorder and I've been really anxious just having to do interviews. The extra stress with my mother has made it so much worse. I also have to commute back to the city from my new place in order to see her which takes up a lot of time. I spend a lot of time alone at home because my partner works full-time. I'm not angry at my mom. I know that bpd is a legit mental illness and that it makes her really depressed. I would go no contact if my parents were divorced. I haven't because then it would be really hard to see the rest of my family. I'm also financially dependent on them because they're helping me to pay off my student loans and they leant me money since I'm unemployed. I don't know what to do. I love my mom and I want her to be ok. It's just so overwhelming and I don't want to not be able to see the rest of my family. My sister, who is the fixer and does a lot to help my mom, is also my best friend. I don't want to be isolated from them, especially because I live far away from all of my friends now too. I was really nervous about talking to the doctor about her bpd but I feel like nothing is going to change if it doesn't get addressed. When my mom is ok she can be the most loving person ever and a big support for me. I feel so torn and so afraid that she is mad at me. I'm also so tired of dealing with her drama and the suicide threats.

[Swimmy55]

Hi WMN
You have been through something..I would even venture possible PTSD over the memory of your mother trying to kill herself when you were 14.   So your mother is currently in an inpatient program? 

[wmm]

Yes. She was in emerge for 2 days and just got into an inpatient program. She expects me to visit her and it makes me really anxious. I was diagnosed with ptsd and have tried to deal with this memory but everytime suicide comes up it gets overwhelming. I was physically sick today from anxiety. I was anxious because I was afraid that she would find out that my sister and I talked to the doctor. My dad went to see her today. I have an interview on Tuesday and I need to spend time applying for other jobs too. I just want all the stuff with her to go away. I don't want to talk to her or see her. It's too triggering, but she and my family would be very mad at me.