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Author Topic: This is my first post. Feeling overwhelmed and frustrated bc I backtracked.  (Read 393 times)
Tobio

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Live together
Posts: 3


« on: November 04, 2019, 07:14:05 PM »

Hello all. Feeling nervous as this is my first experience with a message Board and This is my first post. I’m Feeling overwhelmed and frustrated bc I backtracked on my boundaries and got caught up in an argument with my daughter. Things had been going so well, I thought I could reach out during one of her irrational episodes. I didn’t react negatively and stayed calm but found myself Engaging- which leads to her screaming such hateful and irrational things at me. I had approached her about seeking treatment. I’m just so very tired. And so very sad. Thank you for offering a place for me to just say this and get it off my chest. I don’t want to hate my own daughter- but god does she make it hard.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
formflier
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



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« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2019, 07:24:49 PM »


Welcome

I'm glad you have found us and I'm so sorry that you had a "backsliding" experience.  Those suck!  I've had more than a few.  I end up kicking myself for "knowing better" yet engaging anyway.  Plus there is the fallout from the dysregulation.

 Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

I assure you that you've found a place with people that get it. 

Can you tell me more about your daughter?  How long does it normally take for the "fallout" from the screaming to subside?


Best,

FF
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Tobio

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Live together
Posts: 3


« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2019, 07:34:02 PM »

You’re so kind to reply! It can take a few days to a week. Though the last few months she’s been rebounding much faster. And I’ve been really good with not engaging which I think has helped shorten them. Which is why I’m so mad at myself for engaging you know?
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FaithHopeLove
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Shaky
Posts: 1606



« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2019, 08:30:48 PM »

Hi Tobio
I join FormFlier in welcoming you here. I too am sorry you had a backslide but that only makes you human. We all do it. No need to beat yourself up about it. Just learn from the experience and try again. Just based on your short description I would say you have a lot to be hopeful about. Keep us posted. I look forward to hearing more from you.
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formflier
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



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« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2019, 08:45:55 PM »

  And I’ve been really good with not engaging which I think has helped shorten them. 

Not engaging is a solid strategy.  Can you take a few minutes and help us understand what that actually looks like?  Perhaps some I said and she said.

Is there a consistent theme that comes up over and over to argue about, or does it appear to be random things?

Best,

FF
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Lollypop
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1353



« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2019, 02:47:41 AM »

Hi tobio

I’m glad you found us. It’s baby steps, sometimes two or three backwards. That’s how we learn. Dust yourself off and walk tall. You’re doing great.

Hugs

LP
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     I did my best. He told me I wasn’t good enough. White
cbusmom

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 24


« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2019, 08:27:30 AM »

I am glad you found this board. It is very helpful even if just to read and see that our relatuonship with our bpd loved one isnt unique. 
I also see the results of not engaging with my DSbpd and I have also slipped and gotten sucked into engaging.
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