searching for help

[wairua]

My adult daughter has had mental health issues for 15 years now, but last year when she was with mental health services, they talked about her having bpd or emotional dysfunction. And finally, things started to make sense for us.
She doesn't want to engage with mental health services now because last year she was sectioned and put in isolation (suicide attempt) and she considered they did not follow the correct procedure (she has read the manual). She has been using meth and cannabis but is weaning off this as she realizes she has to. She has lost custody of her son and battles with his father (he is a bully) over visitation. This hurt her more than anything but probably was for the best at the time for her son, So, many issues and so many triggers. She has seen over 50 people during this time, costing us thousands of dollars as we all seek a cure and solution to her mental health; psychiatrists, psychologists, psychics, spiritualists, counsellors, reiki etc.
She lives in Tauranga. Is there a really good DBT course available there? I've been doing some reading and I think this could be the thing she needs. Also is there a support community that could help her get to appointments as she is terrible at remembering. We don't live in the same city or have any family there and she has very few friends there so she is also isolated. And she isolates herself too and keeps pulling away from contact we try to make with her. So complicated and its really having an impact on our family.
Please can I get some help.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Wairua
Welcome to the group. I am glad you found us. This is a great place to get the help you need as you cope with this very difficult situation with your daughter. Many of us are in the same situation. We are helping each other and working to improve our relationships with our BPD children. I confess I had to Google Tauranga. I see that it is in New Zealand and it looks like it is very beautiful. But I can see that it might also be very isolating
While googling around I did find this website https://www.twm.org.nz/national-dbt-service I cannot attest to how good it is but it might be worth contacting them. DBT is generally recognized as the gold standard of care for people with BPD. There are also techniques for remembering appointments that she can learn such as calendars, alarms etc. You may want to look into ways in which people with ADHD (which many people with BPD such as my son also have) handle their schedules.

That said, while care for your daughter is very important as is your relationship with her, really the first person you need to think about is you. You mention that your whole family has been impacted. That is no surprise. Having a loved one with BPD affects the whole family system. You seem like a very loving mother and grandmother who wants the best for everyone. That is great but first you need to take care of yourself. Loving someone with BPD is a long, hard journey that takes a lot of strength. You just made a huge first step by reaching out to us. Now you are not journeying alone. You have a great support group! What else are you or could you be doing in the way of self care? For example, have you thought about therapy for yourself? Many of us, myself included, find it to be a great help. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Hugs
Faith