I just want the feelings, memories and longing for her to go away since it was all BS from the very beginning. Can not believe at my age I fell for this, allowed it to happen and went back time again for the last 18 months (out of 3 years) for more. Now what?
Hi - so good of you to reach out.
Oh my this all sounds just like me. I actually tried to leave twice in the a period of five years - two of which were long distance. So many red flags I ignored. So many times I have blamed myself for staying.
I'll share what works for me and you can pick and choose what you think might work for you. Okay?
I don't know about you - but I go back and forth - sometimes knowing about the BPD condition helps me put things into perspective - other times it doesn't. Then I need a fall back because I still need to put things into perspective. So I allow myself to get in touch with my anger - because I know for a fact now that even the very premise of where she was at in her life was a lie. The whole thing - our relationship - my moving to be with her - our marriage - all of it was founded on a bold-faced lie. Our breakup was inevitable. And when I get in touch with that, then I get in touch with my justifiable anger - and then I can read about BPD - and then it puts things into a better perspective - and then I wish her well in my heart, hope for the sake of her two children and their father that she gets help - and I am free to get on with my new life.
That is what works for me. My hope for you is that as you reach out here, you will find what works for you. THIS PLACE is without a doubt in my mind and heart the BEST place of its kind. SO much good stuff here for you to choose from - and eventually you will share with others.
You did me some good today. I hope that I will have done some good for you.
You'll make it. You'll help others make it - even pwBPD in a way.
Thanks for sharing.
It takes guts.
Rev.