I am not sure what to ask but I need help

[Rachele@3]

I have never written on a board, I never thought I would be so lost and need someone to guide me so much. My 20 year old son was recently diagnosed with BPD, I knew there was something wrong for many years, he always seemed to depressed and lost, I tried to get him help but he always refused.
recently he started falling apart, not knowing what to do in his life, just living alone in his own world, he stopped work,  gave up studying and then finally asked for help. He was diagnosed recently but still feels and emptiness and that therapy does not help him. He thinks it is too late to do anything in his life and that nothing will ever make him happy. How do I help him, he is so young. We have a fairly good relationship and I have and am willing to support him financially till he can do something in his life, but how. I am so scared.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Resiliant]

Hi Rachele,  welcome to the group!  I'm so glad to hear that your son actually asked for help and that you have a fairly good relationship.  Those are two very important things that are going to be very helpful for you.   You said that he was recently diagnosed, but you knew something was wrong all along.   So, the good news is that although this is all new to you, at the same time it's not that new because you have been dealing with it for years - just without the tools and support that you have just found.   I encourage you to read and learn as much as you can.  BPD affects relationships so it involves the whole family.   You said that you are prepared to help him financially, and that is good when necessary but you will also find the tools to help him become independent again.    I understand why you feel scared, but you can do this.  You've already shown that by finding us and starting your first post.  Have you looked into any books yet?

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Rachel
I join Resilient in welcoming you to the parent support group. We are glad you are here. This is a great place to get the help you need. As Resilient said, there are already two things working in your son's favor, therapy and his relationship with you. What kind of therapy is he in? How long has it been? He may not see improvement yet but that does not mean he never will. There is a lot of reason to hope

[Rachele@3]

He has only been to therapy 4 times and to be quite honest I am not totally sure that a diagnosis can be made so soon. Here I would like someone to tell me if this is so. He does seem to have all they symptoms though but at the moment I am trying to persuade him to get a second opinion.
He started university 3 years ago as an accountent but gave that up after about 2 years, I later found out he had been going only a few days a week towards the end. he then went to a school of fine arts for a year and gave up that as well. He then worked here and there and felt even more upset as he thought he was just doing nothing with his life.I think he could not handle the lonliness making new friends was difficult for him. He meets a girl and jumps into a relationship even though he isnt happy, just so that he is not alone.
Now he is searching again as to what to do in his life. I told him to go to a career advisor so that he could get a better idea. I am not sure. Is it so hard for bpd children to make career decisions?  Any advice on how I can help him.

[FaithHopeLove]

OK I will try to answer some of your questions. Others will probably want to weigh in too. It is hard to say exactly how long a diagnosis can take. In my experience it can vary. But formally diagnosed or not, if your son is showing BPD traits that is something to look in to
 Again. It is great that he is in therapy. That, along with your support, will help a lot. Being quick to jump into relationships due to fear of being alone is quite common with BPD as is feeling life is meaningless and not worth living. The good news is if he does have BPD you are looking at a very treatable illness. He may well improve in time, particularly if he stays in therapy. What should you do now to help him? Honestly the best thing you can do is help yourself. That way you will be strong for whatever lies ahead. You may want to even see your own therapist. Having a child with BPD or suspected of it can be very draining. You will need all the support you can get so keep reaching out and posting here. Read everything you can. There is a wealth of information on this website. We are with you on this journey.