Dogs are more important than daughter she almost lost

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was in a catastrophic car accident in 2017. I spent my 45th birthday in a coma and was in hospitals for months.

My borderline mother and codependent father got high off the adrenaline of being needed, treated like they have authority.

I have lost almost everything and am in the process of fighting like heck to recover my brain, body, health, finances, and daughter.

I am a single, beautiful woman that has chosen careless cruel or selfish partners because I feared my parents and felt I needed protection.

I wat he’s my mother try to kill my father several times as a child.

Today is my birthday and the “family” was supposed to gather for my birthday yesterday. Mom and dad ditched to manage their new rescue dogs. Yes. I am completely serious. She can’t leave the house without them and takes them out in a stroller in stores.

The dinner without them was a blessing, and I don’t miss them even a little bit, but when I look at the choices I made to try to avoid them, I become angry at the opportunities I missed. I chose my mother in male skin and had a child with him. She was abused verbally, terrified, rejected over siblings he had with wife #2. And she is cycling through personality disordered behavior which I’m working on with her.

I flatlined twice and nearly died in 2017 in November. They haven’t celebrated my life on or around my birthday since.

But their rescue dogs are doted on.

This behavior disgusts me. I can’t understand how selfish, hateful people prosper in this world.

[Lola B]

I was in a catastrophic car accident in 2017. I spent my 45th birthday in a coma and was in hospitals for months.

My borderline mother and codependent father got high off the adrenaline of being needed, treated like they have authority.

I have lost almost everything and am in the process of fighting like heck to recover my brain, body, health, finances, and daughter.

I am a single, beautiful woman that has chosen careless cruel or selfish partners because I feared my parents and felt I needed protection.

I wat he’s my mother try to kill my father several times as a child.

Today is my birthday and the “family” was supposed to gather for my birthday yesterday. Mom and dad ditched to manage their new rescue dogs. Yes. I am completely serious. She can’t leave the house without them and takes them out in a stroller in stores.

The dinner without them was a blessing, and I don’t miss them even a little bit, but when I look at the choices I made to try to avoid them, I become angry at the opportunities I missed. I chose my mother in male skin and had a child with him. She was abused verbally, terrified, rejected over siblings he had with wife #2. And she is cycling through personality disordered behavior which I’m working on with her.

I flatlined twice and nearly died in 2017 in November. They haven’t celebrated my life on or around my birthday since.

But their rescue dogs are doted on.

This behavior disgusts me. I can’t understand how selfish, hateful people prosper in this world.

[Harri]

Happy Birthday Lola B!  

I am sorry your parents are so out of touch and can't really see you beyond their own needs.  It sounds like this may be a pattern of theirs?

I have read your threads on the son/daughter board and reading your post here gives me more insight into your situation.  Thank you for sharing.  You have been through so much and I am sorry for that. 

What sort of things are you doing to recover?

[Turkish]

I become angry at the opportunities I missed.

What opportunities did you miss to avoid them, and how does it make you angry?

[Lola B]

Hi friends. Thank you. I try to reframe to find silver linings. One of them is finding this forum. I purge my toxic feeling here. That goes a long way.

It’s strange to witness my parents thriving and infantilizing dogs over celebrating their daughters life, which she almost lost. They have been fiercely greedy with their money, loaning thousands to my sister for not one but two million dollar homes, but asking me to write a check for $400 for the stairs modification they paid for when I released from the hospital.

The more I succeed, the more hateful they behave, and when I am rendered desperately dependent, mom is on a high.

I’d say this was a lie if I was reading it, but it is all true and the friends who witnessed my family while I was in a coma later told me I was generous when I spoke about them, that they are far worse. And yet they put on a great show for a larger audience. Is that part of the personality disorder?

My daughter’s emotion disregulation is pretty understandable, and I am committed to helping her learn to regulate.

This experience on planet earth is too much. I hope this all is worth the pain

[Turkish]

Dogs are like little kids, they love no matter what because they don't know any better. 

You said your true friends saw through them.  How did you feel when they told you that? How is your daughter?

[zachira]

I hear your pain, sorrow, and frustration with how your parents are doting on their rescue dogs while ignoring your birthday. I come from a highly dysfunctional family where there are many people with BPD and NPD, along with many other mental health challenges. In my experience, one of the most disturbing behaviors of the dysfunctional family members is doing things that make them look good to the outside world, whether it is helping people they aren't really close to or animals while privately mistreating the closest family members.
You also mention about how badly you are feeling about having relationships with men that mistreated you. It has taken many years for me to see how I choose to surround myself with people that were like my abusive family members. You are courageous in seeing the connection because it means you are strong enough now to start to make other choices and to grieve many painful loses.
There are many members on this site who have similar stories to yours. Do read the stories of other members and the educational materials on this site. We are here to listen and support you, and we appreciate knowing how we can be the most helpful. We welcome hearing from you any time. Take care and do let us know how you are doing!

[Lola B]

Thank you friends. Your thoughtfulness has helped tremendously

[Sacdzine]

My mom talks about missing seeing my dogs just as much or more than her grandkids. I feel like this is part of their disorder. People will abandon and reject them but dogs won’t. .