Mixed signals from close friend

[Intrigued04]

Hi! This is my first post in regards to a male friend I've known for 10 years who meets all the criteria for BPD to a T, but is unaware and not in any treatment.  I see this friend several times a week at a mutual rec facility we belong to. I wanted feedback on 2 situations I'm currently struggling with.
1.  I feel like he treats me differently than acquaintances or those he has no emotional connection to. I've gone above and beyond to be a great friend, esp during hard times. I'm the only stability he's had.  Yet I feel like get snuffed & other people get more appreciation and acknowledgement. When I've brought it to his attention, it seems he's unaware he's even acting different towards me.  At one point he said "you act like I'm doing it on purpose". Not sure if he's just being himself and doesn't need to fake it with me...?
2.   Lately, all my texts are ignored, phone calls are unanswered, but in person, he'll be sociable and act like there's no issue...? But if I choose not to talk to him because I'm upset, he'll desperately try to get my attention. He is definitely triggered more lately when I talk to other guys at this facility and will become passive aggressive with a snide comment, he acts cold, or he'll talk to another female in the vicinity. I'm a confident, honest woman with a voice and I know his ploys to get attention so I no longer react. I also notice he's very intimidated by me. I feel he worries he'll upset me. I feel like since I have been reacting less he's been pushing harder. When I try to talk in person he shuts down. If I text to say he seems upset or angry and that he can call if he wants to talk he never responds or calls. I feel if I was cut out of his life for good, his phone &  in person behavior would match.

I'm upset because I feel I'm mourning what used to be a very close friendship. If we do spend time together he immediately pushes me away and avoids me for a few days. So I give him his space. But I feel the abandonment fears are heightened now. My goal is to continue to be there for him with emotional distance but it's a conscious effort not to take things personal. Any feedback or suggestions are greatly appreciated!

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[itsmeSnap]

pwbpd can't really control their emotions, they often didn't learn how to manage them effectively because of family issues growing up.

I've had this happen with my ex, as long as I didn't bring issues up, she would pretend nothing happened next time we started talking again. Last time I tried to reach out to her after "an episode" she blocked me everywhere, evrry time I tried a new platform, same thing. Wouldn't talk to me for a year. I was really lost.

They can't "fix" things, and their coping is mostly dysfunctional (shutting down, seeking shallow attention/relationships, bursting with anger).

Now that she's reestablished contact I would not bring it up, eventually she said "its nice that you haven't asked, would you like to hear about it?" I said sure, she mentioned a few things, and other I know for sure happened and are reasons for her split, she still kept to herself.

They have their own schedule and comfort level talking about stuff (and honestly, dont we all?), so its probably not a good idea to push for resolution.

What was he like before the issues started becoming apparent, can you think of something that changed or triggered it?

[Intrigued04]

Thank you for your input! I feel like I trigger him when I validate him or say positive things, or when I give him space if he seems bothered.  I feel like the closer we've become over the years, the more he's triggered.  I feel like all the fun things we used to do are now all triggers. My gut senses that there are strong feelings there, but he's avoiding feeling and expressing them. So it's easier to wipe me out...? It'd make more sense if he distanced from me in person and thru calls/texts. But he only avoids me thru phone/social media. In person he acts like my friend, unless he's in his feelings