Should I Stay or Should I Go?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,
Let me start by saying there is no diagnosis of BPD, or anything but anxiety, for myself or my partner, who I left in October. That being said I have read about relationships with BPDs and mine had uncanny parallels. I spent five years in isolation, I lost friends, family and jobs just trying to prove that she was first. She often became disappointed with a choice I made, like spending time with my daughter and would get sad or angry and say I just wish you had chosen me. I found myself cancelling on my daughter over and over just to prove that my partner came first. My relationship with my daughter suffered as a result. I identify as codependent and I recognize that I have just transferred feelings of needing to make everything ok for my single alcoholic mother. But there is so much I do not know and that is why I am here. Why are certain combinations of people toxic to one another? I really want to know.

[KneeDeepCoDep]

Hello,
Let me start by saying there is no diagnosis of BPD, or anything but anxiety, for myself or my partner, who I left in October. That being said I have read about relationships with BPDs and mine had uncanny parallels. I spent five years in isolation, I lost friends, family and jobs just trying to prove that she was first. She often became disappointed with a choice I made, like spending time with my daughter and would get sad or angry and say I just wish you had chosen me. I found myself cancelling on my daughter over and over just to prove that my partner came first. My relationship with my daughter suffered as a result. I identify as codependent and I recognize that I have just transferred feelings of needing to make everything ok for my single alcoholic mother. But there is so much I do not know and that is why I am here. Why are certain combinations of people toxic to one another? I really want to know.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

KneeDeepCoDep,

I'm glad you have found us.  We are  a group of people that "get it".  I used to try to "prove" to my wife she was first (very similar to what I read in your story).  It turned out to be a fruitless pursuit.

It sounds like you are separated.  What is status of communication and relationship?

How are things with your daughter?

I'll come back later to read your reply.

Best,

FF