Gather around the tree

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Last year we started a post to "decorate" our family Christmas tree here on PSI, and I thought we could do that again this year.  
 
We all know that this time of year can be difficult. Some of us have family to go and visit or coming to visit us that we'd rather not see. It ties us up in knots just knowing  Christmas is coming in a few weeks. Others have family that they've found necessary to step away from in order to heal from the trauma of our childhoods. No matter what, we often miss them and who we wish they would be for us.

So with those thoughts in mind, I think it's time for us here on PSI, our online family, to come together and decorate our Christmas tree and join together in a safe family where you each belong and don't need to be afraid to join in.  

Let's focus on the positive in this thread instead of our pain. What I need help with is in decorating our tree. The 'ornaments' are going to be the positive things we see in our lives, nor matter how big or how small. We need all sizes of ornaments, big small, and in between. Some ideas can be: "kindness" because you were kind to yourself today;  "quietness" because you took time to sit down and reflect and pause for 3 minutes to self care today.

Please hang one ornament per thread and tell us why you are hanging that ornament on our tree. Come back as often as you like to hang another ornament. It will take a whole lot of decorating to get our tree covered and time is short! I'll start us off so you get the idea.

The ornament I am hanging is gratitude. Almost a year ago I stepped out of my destructive marriage, and I have made it through. I am humbled and filled with gratitude to look back and see that I had the strength to take this big step.

Please join me since I can't do this all myself. Who will bring the hot chocolate and marshmallows? How about some logs to put in the fireplace? Let's have some fun!  

 
Woolsie

[Woolspinner2000]

Last year we started a post to "decorate" our family Christmas tree here on PSI, and I thought we could do that again this year.  
 
We all know that this time of year can be difficult. Some of us have family to go and visit or coming to visit us that we'd rather not see. It ties us up in knots just knowing  Christmas is coming in a few weeks. Others have family that they've found necessary to step away from in order to heal from the trauma of our childhoods. No matter what, we often miss them and who we wish they would be for us.

So with those thoughts in mind, I think it's time for us here on PSI, our online family, to come together and decorate our Christmas tree and join together in a safe family where you each belong and don't need to be afraid to join in.  

Let's focus on the positive in this thread instead of our pain. What I need help with is in decorating our tree. The 'ornaments' are going to be the positive things we see in our lives, nor matter how big or how small. We need all sizes of ornaments, big small, and in between. Some ideas can be: "kindness" because you were kind to yourself today;  "quietness" because you took time to sit down and reflect and pause for 3 minutes to self care today.

Please hang one ornament per thread and tell us why you are hanging that ornament on our tree. Come back as often as you like to hang another ornament. It will take a whole lot of decorating to get our tree covered and time is short! I'll start us off so you get the idea.

The ornament I am hanging is gratitude. Almost a year ago I stepped out of my destructive marriage, and I have made it through. I am humbled and filled with gratitude to look back and see that I had the strength to take this big step.

Please join me since I can't do this all myself. Who will bring the hot chocolate and marshmallows? How about some logs to put in the fireplace? Let's have some fun!  

 
Woolsie

[Imatter33]

What a great idea.
I was going to post on my thread but know this one was here waiting for me.
Today I post happiness .

For the first time since joining this board, i was dancing around the kitchen yesterday “I don’t have to feel people’s feelings for them!” . I know I’ve got a long way to go, but it was the closest thing to happy I’d felt in forever. I’m celebrating my progress!

I decided my beautiful new baby deserves Christmas magic and so do I.

[I Am Redeemed]

Today I hang the ornament of hope. Like Wools, I also stepped out of a destructive marriage, though I physically left two years ago and closed the door permanently over one year ago. It's been tough, but I am making it on my own, which for many years I thought was impossible.

I watched a sermon the other day about hope which defined it as "never losing faith in the end of the story". That's where I am today, and I am looking forward to seeing what happens next.

[Methuen]

Today I hang the ornament of learning.  I am learning about BPD, and I am learning new ways of interacting with uBPD mom.  I am doing what I can, and hopeful that learning about BPD will help me cope.  I am doing what I can.

[Panda39]

My ornament is self love. Showing kindness and love to others without forgetting myself and what I need.

[Harri]

Awww, Wools, I am glad you did this again.  I really enjoyed it last year and think it is a wonderful idea. 

Today I am hanging a Christmas Pickle <--- never heard of that before!    Who knew!

But seriously, today I hang acceptance.  I have been struggling a bit this year with the holidays which is unusual for me.  I figured out I am processing a new layer of grief re: events over the last decade or so, things I have grieved but apparently still need to work on some more.  So I keep reminding myself that recovery is an ongoing process and I am focusing on the fact that my grief is less than previous years and what I am feeling today will lead to more emotional freedom.

[GaGrl]

Today, I hang my Patience ornament.

So much in my life is the way I was old choose it to be. I am unbelievably blessed.

Life with my 93 year old mother is a day-by-day adventure. I pray for Patience, and God grants it. My husband has commented that he has been surprised at the level of patience I've displayed (and he listens so well when I vent).

May I stay the course for the years to come.

[Woolspinner2000]

Oh Imatter33, what a lovely ornament happiness is! Thank you for starting us out with such marvelous sparkle and joy!  Look at you go and grow!

I Am Redeemed, a warm hug from a fellow sojourner. Hope is a lovely shining ornament of light to us all. 

The ornament of learning is a glorious thing to see, and I think it is a grand decoration to behold, Methuen! This ornament is definitely a testament of how important it is for us to learn and grow. Learning brings freedom and empowerment.

Ah, Panda39, good to see you here hanging out with the llama and beagle.    What a great ornament to remind us, everyday, to take care of ourselves.  How much I need that reminder, and I suspect that others need that reminder too.

Harri, my dear friend, what's with the pickle?  I have heard of the Christmas pickle, and thank you for hiding something fun on our tree! I think there's something about whoever finds the pickle...maybe someone will enlighten us? I believe it's a German tradition, but I'm not quite sure. Now on to your ornament of acceptance, that is a powerful ornament, a kindness that speaks to the soul far deeper than words can express.

Hooray for you, GaGrl! To hang that ornament of patience is indeed a remarkable thing! Others see it and notice how much it stands out as an example of your growth.

Thank you all for joining in today! Now waiting for the rest of you to join in. There's a lot of room yet, and this year we got an especially tall tree! Come on, who's next?

 
Wools

[Zabava]

I too am hanging gratitude.  I am thankful for this community.  I am grateful for my wonderful children and I am blessed by the little children in my work life.

[Longterm]

I like taking positives so I will also hang gratitude.

I will be forever grateful that I did not lose my children. I am also grateful that I discovered cluster B and the impact it has had on my life. Also the family here, to find like minded supportive others has been a breath of fresh air. To be able to talk about my issues and get good feedback I feel has been very good for me.

LT.

[Imatter33]

Today I hang the ornament of connection.

I never knew something like BPD family existed. I did not know I would feel comfortable opening up and sharing in this type of way.  To know that there are tons of people that can relate to very tough relationships with loved ones is comforting. We are not alone. Not today, tomorrow, over the holidays.

I am thankful for connection.
I truly feel like it is a family here.

[pursuingJoy]

I've so enjoyed reading these positive posts.

I'll hang the ornament of opportunity. It's everywhere if we look for it, in conflict, conversation, ideas, stories, new acquaintances and old friendships, in pain, or joy, change, stability, and movement. 

[JNChell]

I’m very happy to see that you’ve put the tree back up for the family this year, Wools. It’s a nice tradition and it’s nice to see the well deserved ornaments being hung.

Today, I hang perseverance. With the help of the staff and peers that make this community a reality, I’ve found the strength and means to keep pushing forward. To not give up on myself. I’ve learned and discovered so much about myself. As Harri described, Acceptance has been a very important gateway to recovery. It’s a hard step that sometimes needs a little maintenance, but a very important part of the process if we are to truly understand this stuff and view it from a place of self awareness. 

I’ve not really been into the Holidays much for quite some time. It feels a bit different this year. I haven’t procrastinated. S5’s gifts are hidden and ready to be wrapped. Plans are in place as far as the time he and I have together for our little Christmas.

Happy Holidays everyone.

[Ozzie101]

What a lovely tradition!

I hang the ornament of hope. While there's still a long way for me to go in a lot of areas and while there's a lot of uncertainty in my life right now, I hold onto the hope that things will improve. They already have gotten better from where I was a year ago. So, I hope that that progress will continue.

I hope the same for my family here.

[Panda39]

New Beginnings my Partner and our families finally moved in together this summer (last kiddo finally graduated High School!) after being together 9 years.  Our goal was stability for his kids there was a lot of instability due to their uBPDmom.  Now we are enjoying our new beginning as a blended family.



Panda39

[Harri]

I’ve not really been into the Holidays much for quite some time. It feels a bit different this year. I haven’t procrastinated. S5’s gifts are hidden and ready to be wrapped. Plans are in place as far as the time he and I have together for our little Christmas.

I think this is a sign of healing and acceptance too JNChell.  Being able to see beyond our own experiences and helping others enjoy and participate in their joy is a wonderful thing.  

Panda, I think of you often wondering how the new living arrangement is going for you.  New beginnings are wonderful.

Today my ornament says laughter.  

[SepiaScarf]

I would like to hang " New Traditions "
I am currently NC and i will likely not see my FOO this year for a celebration, however, I did have a wonderful time with a good friend decorating Christmas cookies. It was easy fun and brought me a lot of Joy( there was no drama). It reminded me that i am building something new and amazing. That there is also the hope of new traditions.

[Harri]

I am adding a sprinkle of snow to some of the branches.  It snowed here today.  Three inches of the sparkling fluffy whiteness!  So pretty especially after the skies turned blue and the sun came out.    this is the good kind of snow that does not need to be shoveled, does not cause accidents and everyone loves it. 

I went out on my balcony and made a 6" snowman!   

[Zabava]

I am hanging hope, which I have gained from this community.

[Woolspinner2000]

The tree is looking so lovely! Well done everyone! It's so nice to read all the positive reflections you are hanging on the tree.

Today I wish to hang an ornament of identity. I am starting to see more of who I am as I heal from the trauma in my life. When a person's identity is wrapped up in that of others, it's quite a revelation to begin to discover one's own personhood and identity.

Thanks for the snow, Harri! Beautiful, especially when combined with laughter. 

Hope, new traditions, new beginnings are all hanging together in a cluster of brightness. 

It's mighty cold in the Midwest so maybe it's time for hot chocolate?

 
Wools

[Spindle0516]

I'd would like to add a splash of wonder.

May we all experience some form of magic even if it is in the simplicity of a hot cup of coffee or a hug from a friend or a cuddle with your pup or the joy of a new book.

Also, I'd like to add a bit of silliness. That we all find a reason to laugh so hard that we can't breathe just once in the coming weeks.

 

[Methuen]

Today I wish to hang the ornament of courage.  While this is something we must surely already have, I'll bet most of us could use more!  Let us be inspired by this ornament to seek, find, and demonstrate courage, and also move forward and find joy and happiness in our daily lives, even if in the little things.

[Harri]

Did someone say hot chocolate?  There is plenty for everyone. 

[Amelia Hope]

I am hanging the ornament of a fresh start!

It is tempting to feel like because I didn't know this person in my life had BPD or because I haven't always handled things the best way to deal with that, I am behind and I've messed up. But every day is a fresh start. I can resolve now to change my life, to change my thoughts, to change my attitude. I can choose to change for the better. Even if I didn't make all the right choices 10 years ago, a year ago, or even yesterday. TODAY is a new day and I can choose who I will be today.

[Harri]

Balance.  So important in life, for healing and recovery and even during the holidays.

[GaGrl]

Am I the only one re-reading this thread each day because it feels so good?

[Harri]

You're not alone in that Gagrl! 

[Methuen]

I think this may be my last ornament for a while, because soon I'm getting on an airplane and may go off the grid for a period.  

I wish to hang the ornament of PEACE.  I'm thinking of internal peace here, since external global peace seems even more complicated than our own internal peace with ourselves (which is complicated enough).

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” —Dalai Lama

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” —Wayne W. Dyer

My wish is for everyone to feel/find/seek/enjoy some CALM and PEACE.  

[Harri]

Hi Methuen.  Thanks for letting us know you will be off grid for a while.  I would have wondered, not seeing you here.  I hope you have a safe, peaceful and calm journey. 

Peace (internal) is a beautiful ornament to hang. 

[cleotokos]

I would like to hang the ornament love, for the healing relationships I've been able to have with the beautiful children in my life, my niece and my son and daughter. Giving to them what I wish I had been given by adults in my life has been, as I said, healing.