I guess as I've had to try to support her many times before(when it was an overdose) I just feel alot of resentment to having to be there for her, even though in this instance its not an overdose.
Well if you weren't feeling resentment, you would probably be some kind of saint. I don't know too many saints here on earth, so don't beat yourself up too much. Those feelings of resentment are there for some valid reasons, and it's ok to be feeling what you are feeling in the moment. While the crisis is here (she's unwell and in hospital), do what you normally do, to do to look after your own wellness.
If the resentment is something you decide you want to work on, maybe later would be a better time...? But right now, look after yourself. Give your mom whatever feels ok and safe for you, and put the rest of your energy into yourself.
The shame/guilt comes from just being totally apathetic towards her when these things happen, its not really the way a child should react to there mother being sick.
New perspective: the words,actions, and behaviors of your mother aren't really the way a mother should act towards their child...?
Sounds to me like you are being quite hard on yourself. Am I right in thinking that?
If yes, then its probably because your mother has trained you to think like that. I am learning it's ok
not to think and feel our mother's emotions and beliefs.
The resentment you are feeling is probably there for a reason. So do some good quality self-care
Then deal with your mom as you are able, if you are able. Try to loosen the self-inflicted pressure, and refract the pressure your mom is probably putting on you while she is in hospital. We don't have to be saints. We just have to do our best with the mother we've been given. What we do is never going to be enough for our mom's, so best to look after ourselves.
Your mom is in hospital, where she can get the best care from professionals. Let
them care for her, and use the time to look after yourself while she is in there. Maybe lighten up on the contact to give yourself a much needed break?
Those are just my thoughts. Do you have some favourite self-care strategies?
