BPD wife continues to drink

[Floyd76b]

My wife has been in 2 rehabs the last year. Starting drinking again 2 weeks ago. She was diagnosed with BPD last year while separated.  Been back together for 10 months. How do I handle her constant false accusations of cheating?

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[pursuingJoy]

Welcome to bpdfamily, Floyd76b!   Glad you're here.

I know many people here deal with constant accusations of cheating. I dated a guy once, not BPD, but he was extremely jealous and it was an exhausting experience. I learned fairly soon to do small things like keep him posted on my whereabouts, show him my phone so he could see who was calling etc.

The bigger challenge for me was learning to manage my own emotions when he overreacted to his unfounded fears.  Is that part hard for you as well?

Sometimes it helps us if we have an example to think about. Can you share something that's happened that can help reflect what you're experiencing?

Look forward to hearing from you!
pj

[Maggie17]

Hello,
My boyfriend uses drinking as a coping mechanism as well and has also been to detox. I think the trouble is that these facilities aren't necessarily addressing the cause, they're focusing on the reaction and safely withdrawing from the alcohol. My bf would always do so well after coming out of treatment because he had defeated the drinking issue and the BPD episode had passed. However, the next time his BPD emotions got out of control and he didn't know how to handle it, he would look to alcohol as the "only thing that works". Is your wife seeking therapy? Is she open to learning more about BPD and treatments? I've been reading/listening to great things about Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).