Is that helping? Specifically in the points where you feel like you are drifting one way or another?
I don't really know whether it's all the work I'm doing or whether time is just dulling the intensity. I still miss her beyond all measure but I keep thinking about the way she treated me and the way she demonised me and dumped me so quickly after returning from holiday and her subsequent threats that she had 'other options' and I wonder whether she had somebody else lined up all along. She was often meeting 'a friend' for coffee and my instincts tell me that she was never committed to me. She probably justified it by virtue of the fact I was married and that we kept arguing, but she'll never really know how in love with her I was/am.
There’s a bunch of general stuff that great for “feeling better” generally, but I mean specific actions when you can sense you’re drifting into anger or depressive states... to get you back to centre? Good work on the list of stuff, that’s super impressive and well done for being smart avoiding known triggers... why go there hey!
The specific thing I do is ring people and get up and do something to distract myself. Some days I'm better than others. I'm doing quite a bit of work at the moment and going to lots of meetings so I can distract myself from the very severe pain, though I am dreading it when everything slows down for Christmas.
Do you have a go to tool box for “I’m starting to feel really angry about how done over I am”... or another arsenal for “dang my life sucks so much, I love her so much I can’t believe I miss her this much”. You like music... are there some tunes that get you going whatever the weather?
Up until recently I was still fantasising about all types of dastardly deeds. Looking back over the whole break up, I think I behaved very well considering how annihilated I felt. I don't know how I got through it without sending a single angry email after she ghosted me. I'm actually proud of the fact that I kept my dignity and manners. That's alot more than she did. She treated me like a dog and then pretended I didn't exist at the end. I think her narcissistic side wanted me to chase her so she could kick me some more. Apart from a few declarations of love and stating my desire to be with her now that my marriage is over, I was largely restrained and dignified. Had I not been going to SLAA I would have caused trouble and tried to get her to talk to me by banging on her door. She would no doubt have called the police. I am proud that I spared myself that final agony and indignity. Not often during a break up I can say that I have behaved well...My tool box has been SLAA really. I write on here too as I am doing now. I watch Netflix or watch the Masterclass website that a friend got me a subscription to. I have started to become self-sufficient again as I was for a while before I met my wife. I do it all with a heavy heart but I tell myself that it's only temporary. I try not to feel self pity and I soothe myself by playing piano and saying this too shall pass. I can't listen to the music I used to with my ex as it triggers me and I'm in despair in seconds, but I can play classical on piano and I'll listen to the songs you listed. Thank you.
The musician woman is still pursuing me with a vengeance. I have been very compassionate towards her but she is not listening. She tries every which way to get me to meet her and has decided that I am the answer to all of her woes. I have given her alot of time and empathy but she isn't listening and won't take no for an answer. She is trying hard to manipulate me into meeting her. Ironically, seeing how she is with me makes me so very glad that I haven't bombarded my ex with emails because I now know that if somebody doesn't want you all you are doing by bombarding them is making them disrespect you. I sort of knew instinctively that if I chased my ex she would treat me even worse. In the end I discovered self respect, but I am horribly bored and emotionally bereft without her. But at least I'm not rushing into the arms of somebody who has the same issues as my ex (but to whom I have no attraction). I feel for the musician woman but she is trying my patience by ignoring my boundaries.
My first ex still has me blocked on WhatsApp and has cut me off Facebook. Three angry women who are trying to force their will onto me. There is a pattern here and it isn't just to do with my behaviour. By contrast another healthy woman who was pursuing me a while ago has accepted my offer to just be friends and has now met a man and happy to stay friends with me. That is the difference between healthy and disordered/addictive women. No criticism intended to any of them, just saying what I see. God knows I understand them all.
RF
