What is BPD really? How do the behaviours differ from a fear of intimacy?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all

Been away for a while but find myself back here due to another failed relationship with a woman with issues.

She has no borderline traits as I thought of them but a textbook case of fear of intimacy. The similarities between her and my previous uBPD exs got me thinking did I get it wrong about them having BPD or is BPD just a fear of intimacy +.

All the criteria in the DSM 5 are a perfect fit for fear of intimacy.

Unstable sense of self can be seen as the person with fear of intimacy doesnt like who they are so try to fit what they think other want to be liked.

Chronic feelings of emptiness can be seen as the person feeling unlovable (and who wouldn't feel empty at that thought).

Instability of mood is another displayed by people fearing intimacy as they cant voice their real feelings in case they are mocked or belittled.

suicidal behaviour is only to be expected in people with depression brought about by loneliness and a low self worth.

Intense interpersonall relationships is the poster child for fear of intimacy. They even enter dangerous relationships as they know theres no future in it so it wont hurt when it ends.

Frantic efforts to avoid abadonment real or imagined is again a fear of intimacy issue.


I'll leave the list at that but my point is what is the difference between the two and how many people here (myself included) may have been dealing with a fear of abandonment rather than BPD

[enlighten me]

Hi all

Been away for a while but find myself back here due to another failed relationship with a woman with issues.

She has no borderline traits as I thought of them but a textbook case of fear of intimacy. The similarities between her and my previous uBPD exs got me thinking did I get it wrong about them having BPD or is BPD just a fear of intimacy +.

All the criteria in the DSM 5 are a perfect fit for fear of intimacy.

Unstable sense of self can be seen as the person with fear of intimacy doesnt like who they are so try to fit what they think other want to be liked.

Chronic feelings of emptiness can be seen as the person feeling unlovable (and who wouldn't feel empty at that thought).

Instability of mood is another displayed by people fearing intimacy as they cant voice their real feelings in case they are mocked or belittled.

suicidal behaviour is only to be expected in people with depression brought about by loneliness and a low self worth.

Intense interpersonall relationships is the poster child for fear of intimacy. They even enter dangerous relationships as they know theres no future in it so it wont hurt when it ends.

Frantic efforts to avoid abadonment real or imagined is again a fear of intimacy issue.


I'll leave the list at that but my point is what is the difference between the two and how many people here (myself included) may have been dealing with a fear of abandonment rather than BPD

[once removed]

Been away for a while but find myself back here due to another failed relationship with a woman with issues.

welcome back! i had a couple of disastrous relationships myself after the story that brought me here.

what happened between the two of you?

[enlighten me]

Hi Once removed

Long time no speak.

Nothing happened. We were pretty much a perfect fit. No arguments. No issues apart from outside the relationship. I just got too close and she ran.