Ghosted unexpectedly by BPD

[Totally-confused]

Soo, Me and a girl met online, got on amazingly.
We talked constantly for around a month and then met up.
We were absolutely amazing together, the chemistry was intense and we couldn’t keep out hands off each other.

A few days before I went to see her a friend came back on the scene that seemed pretty messed up from childhood trauma. They had been friends since childhood and after them not speaking for a while this girl messaged her on Christmas Day and went to see her.

Things still seemed good but she was a little quieter, Which I assumed that her and her friend were catching up.. I think personally that this friend is a trigger for the girl I was meeting?

So, I went to see her.. we went for food and drinks and then I stayed at her place overnight. Everything was great and we both really enjoyed spending time with each other.

I was due to return a couple of days later.. All was well the night before and she said she couldn’t wait to see me she was really excited and then the next morning she said she was poorly and would have to cancel. I said yeah don’t worry but if it’s just that you have changed your mind then I hope you could say. She responded by saying no I promise I’m poorly and that she was gonna go back to sleep.

That’s the last I have heard from her, I tried to message her later on and got no response, I believe that she went to her friends house that night due to her putting a picture on social media but I have tried to call her a few times and sent her a few messages asking If I have done something to upset her... complete silence.

She has not blocked me on messages, WhatsApp or Facebook but has blocked me on Instagram which I find really strange because why wouldn’t she just block me on everything?

I am really confused as to what may have happened or what I may have done to make her just disappear? I know we didn’t know each other for very long but we seemed to click instantly and neither of us had felt a connection like it before.

If anyone can shed any light as to what may have happened or whether she will pop up again in the future?.. I would be really grateful as I’m left sitting here quite confused and really disappointed as I really did see us eventually getting together.

Is it possible for this returning friend to be her new favourite person in a non sexual way? Or potentially could there be something going on between them? Or has she just been telling me everything I wanted to hear?

If she had ghosted me when I left her house then I would have just took it as she didn’t like me in person... but that was not the case, She said that us meeting was better than she imagined and felt very lucky to have met me.

Sorry... I know it’s long winded but I wanted you to have as much information as possible. Any suggestions?

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[Totally-confused]

Also, I had met her daughter and she told her family about me... so It wasn’t like this is some thing that I have dreamed up. It is making me feel really crazy though

[itsmeSnap]

I think it has little to do with you and more about something that girl brought up or led her into that caused the split.

When my ex cut me off she was all love, best we've er been in 2 years on-off.I didn't know it at the time, though I suspected, but she started seeing her coworker while she was still saying she loved me. About a yesr later we started talking again and she mentioned him, but obviously never said anything about why she cut me off, only that "she's had it rough since we last talked"

During this time I too wanted to make sense of what just happened, and it helped me just hanging out and reading the stories on the board.

Being ready to understand what she would eventually tell me and not take it personal (it really, really isn't about you, now that we're talking again my ex is telling me shes been thinking about me, how appreciating I am, she's reminiscing about the good times, dating and sex, though I'm not biting  ) is the best thing that happened to me during this past year

[Totally-confused]

Thank you for the reply, She seemed a little less talkative around this girl and I believe that this girl can easily manipulate her.

When I was there with her the girl constantly tried to message her and it was about really mundane things.

I believe that is who she cancelled plans with me for. They had stopped speaking for a while and I believe reading between the lines that it may have been because this girl is a trigger.

So, do I just wait it out and see if she gets in touch or is she gone for good? I’ve sent her a few messages on WhatsApp and she hasn’t read them... but hasn’t blocked me either? I don’t believe there is anything I can say or do that will trigger her into speaking to me. I believe she will only speak to me if she chooses to.

I kinda said something along the lines of “I’m not sure if I have done anything to invalidate your feelings or upset you, If I Have then ai apologise.. I really enjoyed spending time with you and I really thought we could be something. If you don’t want to hear from me again then tell me to **** off.. if you don’t feel that way then give me a text or call and let’s forget this” No response

[itsmeSnap]

do I just wait it out and see if she gets in touch or is she gone for good?

There's really no way to know if she's gone for good. Even if she thinks she's done, she might change her mind later on.

When she cut me off I tried reaching out to her, she wouldn't have any of it, pushed back hard (blocking, lying to whoever else I reached out to). When she contacted me again after a year of silence, she started slow and cautious, unblocked me first without reaching out, then sometime later when I noticed she had I messaged her just to say its cool to see her again, then she started talking again.

Point is, she likely has something to deal with herself first. She blocked you for a reason (even if only on some platforms and not others), and even if its not likely about you, there is a very powerful need for distance to get proactive about stopping you from contacting her.

I believe she will only speak to me if she chooses to.

Yeah, and if she hasn't completely cut you off (she still receives your messages) I'd caution against going overboard.

Relax, if my bpdex is at all similar to her (and the stories on the board are often eerily similar), I bet she's thinking about you, whether with lovey dovey puppy eyes or hellfire hatred, that's anyone's guess right now, either way she has some stuff to process on her own right now, and so do you.

[Totally-confused]

Luckily I haven’t tried reaching out to anyone else, and I tried to contact her for the first couple of days.. I may have put something on my Instagram to initiate the block but who knows what it could have been?

I have no intention of contacting her again and will respect the boundary that she has put in place.

Relax, if my bpdex is at all similar to her (and the stories on the board are often eerily similar), I bet she's thinking about you, whether with lovey dovey puppy eyes or hellfire hatred, that's anyone's guess right now, either way she has some stuff to process on her own right now, and so do you.

Hopefully she is thinking about me, in whatever context.. So many things have ran through my head.. I find it hard to comprehend that someone that spoke to me all day every day, that seemed completely onto me and couldn’t wait to see me could do such a 180. Ignorance on my part.. but I am taking steps to understand more.. I have been reading up on this and other forums and have purchased a book to try to gain understanding about the condition.

Do you see yourself giving your BPDex another chance?

[Totally-confused]

Also... Is it a good thing or a bad thing that she has a couple of my belongings?

Also I bought her a couple of gifts while we were seeing each other, will they remind her of me in a positive light or is she is seeing hellfire will she just get rid of them?

[itsmeSnap]

Also I bought her a couple of gifts while we were seeing each other, will they remind her of me in a positive light or is she is seeing hellfire will she just get rid of them?

I don't believe psychic powers or telepathy is a thing in our reality, so other than her saying what's on her mind there's really no way to tell.

Also, if she really is bpd then it will depend on her current mood, its common that they fit the past through the lens of current emotions.

I think its probably something that keeps reminding her of you. Some people try desperately to get rid of their exes stuff precisely because of that, like "they can't move on" until they do.

If she was really mad at you she might try to dump them on you, get you to pick them up or otherwise let you know about what she's doing with those to get "closure" for herself.

With the block being specifically on instagram its probably a picture she doesn't want you to see, if the friend was really "messed up" then she might have done something shes not too proud to show you?

Do you see yourself giving your BPDex another chance?

For me specifically I realized we don't work as a couple. Talking is good, hanging out is great, sex was perfect, but as an actual couple we were unstable. I decided to stay friends with her now, that's the "second chance" I'm giving our relationship, though I'm certain I won't allow myself to be anything more than that, I tried it already and its just not meant to be.

This is my specific case and experience so your mileage may vary. Be ready for whatever path you'd like to take, including being ready for her not to share your end goal, even if she would maybe want another "first month dating honeymoon" with you at some point in the future.

[Totally-confused]

If she was really mad at you she might try to dump them on you, get you to pick them up or otherwise let you know about what she's doing with those to get "closure" for herself

I can’t see her getting rid of them regardless of how mad she is, they were sentimental to her... the other things were some of my clothes and she hasn’t told me she was doing to do anything with them or asked me to pick them up so who knows.

Also, if she really is bpd then it will depend on her current mood, its common that they fit the past through the lens of current emotions.

From her posts on facebook she seems to be in okay spirits and is engaging in conversations. I am trying to not share anything or post anything to avoid triggering her. I’m just trying to give her space and if she sees me posting all the time that won’t help with the whole space issue.

For me specifically I realized we don't work as a couple. Talking is good, hanging out is great, sex was perfect, but as an actual couple we were unstable. I decided to stay friends with her now, that's the "second chance" I'm giving our relationship, though I'm certain I won't allow myself to be anything more than that, I tried it already and its just not meant to be.

I don’t know about your ex but they sure can charm the pants off you haha. She lured me right in like a bee to honey.. joked about marriage several times, at least I think she was joking?