Stop Walking On Eggshells

[fox hollow]

Hello,
My 34 year old daughter and 15 year old grandson live with me and have lived with me for the majority of my grandson's life. My daughter was dual diagnosed several years ago with bi-polar manic depression and borderline personality disorder with high anxiety. This past year, the situation with my daughter has dramatically intensified and feel at wits end. I dread coming home from work and find myself hoping she is not there, not knowing what situation I will walk in. I worry about my grandson and the impact on him.
Anyway, what brought me to this site: Today I  picked up the  book "stop walking on eggshells" by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger. At the end of the 2nd page I found myself crying. It felt as if the author was describing my life these past 10 years and maybe it's "not me" or what I did, or... etc. Over the years I have realized I have given up so much of myself, of dreams and goals to help support my daughter and grandson. I look forward to reading the rest of the book.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[PeaceMom]

Welcome Fox,
There are many with grandchildren here on this site and if you click on many of the conversations on this very page you will read about similar struggles and see how we try to navigate these waters by sharing what has worked in our own lives.
This is a great place to brainstorm if you have specifics you’d like to work with.
I have a DD19 uBPD and have learned so much by reading “Loving someone w/BPD” and “Overcoming BPD”.

Do you have any healthy outlets for yourself? Many here see a therapist, meditate, exercise, read, etc. We know that self care is critical and in no way a luxury.

Sending you a big welcome ((hug).
Peacemom

[java919]

hi fox
i am new to website too
have made a note to read the eggshell book, had heard of it but didnt get around to it
also loving someone with bpd

i too am dealing with adult daughter and feel so many years so much energy given
to the point where am barely able to replenish the energy i need to keep going till the next crisis hits

feel like people who have never had to deal with this just dont get how this can just take over ur life but here on the site there is understanding and compassion and sharing
be strong

[slowdeath123]

Hi Fox.  The first thing that caught my attention is your user name.  I understand why I cannot say why your user name was familiar to me to protect both our privacy, but it's very close to home. 

Writing a reply to your post happens to be my first post in this group.  Your story is very similar to my situation, I so feel your pain on a daily basis and you have my sympathy!  I came here seeking knowledge, support, some learning tools would be super helpful as I, like you, feel like I'm at my wits end and I don't know how much more I can stand.  It's a hopeless feeling, it's depressing as hell.  Our daughters BPD has been slowly tearing our family apart for years.  There are good days and bad days but the reality is, it's taking a huge toll on my marriage, and both my husband's and my sanity.  Hopeless.  I feel like her BPD is rubbing off on me.  She's sucked the life right out of the family, we walk on her egg shells constantly and for our own sanity, I want to kick her to the curb and be done with her but at the same time, I do love her.  I imagined a different life for her, obviously, but we've tried to get her help since age 19.  She's in her late 20's now and my fear is that she'll never be able to live independently on her own but I know that my husband and I can't go on living/providing for her either, for our OWN sanity. 

I sympathize for your situation and felt compelled to reply to your post just to let you know that you are NOT alone!  It's so sad.   

[Blind1]

OMG, this is all so me! My daughter (almost 18) was just diagnosed and so I'm diving in and trying to find out all the info I can on how to deal with it. I feel so guilty because she has sucked the life right out of me too. I have two younger children who I know need me and I can tell I haven't been there for them. I can't stop thinking about wanting to help her, but then that's a distraction for me to be able to really pay attention to the other two. Even though she has just been diagnosed, we have been living like this for years. And even though she was just diagnosed, as is BPD, she doesn't think she is the problem and doesn't want help. She has been seeing a therapist, but I don't think she is really into it and is only doing it because I am making her. I struggle with just making her leave because I don't feel I can deal with this anymore but I know that's not the answer. I just started reading "Stop Waling on Eggshells" and I hope that gives me some help and hearing all of you going through the same thing is a huge help. Thank you all!