In healing from your break-up what have you learned?

[pest947]

So true - As I said to my life/leadership coach, there were things that I saw that were just true enough that I didn't want them to be true.

Thanks for the really great post.

Rev

That just about nails it! I saw things too but didn't want them to be and explained them away, even early on.

[SinisterComplex]

This is usually the case with these relationships...we know better, but we just don't want to be right. We do our best to convince ourselves that we have to be wrong. That is where the recipe for disaster takes place. Going against your instincts never works in your favor.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[I Am Redeemed]

If there were such a thing as giving awards for best responses I would nominate this post right here. Very balanced, introspective, productive, and illuminating all in one...

I would say from this post your name of I am Redeemed is aptly fitting.

I honestly can't really follow up beyond that because this was pure perfection and what I look for from people. I enjoy seeing when all the pieces come together. As my signature states...through adversity there is redemption! ;-)

I am going to print and save this in a file and read it whenever I am having a "seasick" moment (as I call them). As SC says, this is the most complete and honest assessment of why we stay. My relationship was so abusive - mentally and sometimes physically. I suffered in such silence and pretended. Everyone saw through it.

Thank you for this.  What a great testimony.

Thanks, guys. It's been a rough journey, but I value truth, and that means the truth about me. I always was one to question ''why" about everything, and that goes for my own self, too. I believe that getting to the root of something is the way to learn how to turn it around, and God knows I don't want to make the same mistakes twice.

Sometimes it's easy to blame the other person for everything, and being in these relationships does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with us, but there are things that may need to be looked at in order to not have the same thing happen again.

[Rev]

Sometimes it's easy to blame the other person for everything, and being in these relationships does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with us, but there are things that may need to be looked at in order to not have the same thing happen again.

In my recovery, I kept repeating to myself that while it was okay (within reasonable limits) to occasionally get angry, if I allowed myself to "be" angry, my recovery would be lost and I would be lost.  What she "took" from me that I offered up willingly (misguided as that may have been) is something that will need to be rebuilt.

I love your post because it reminds me that giving in to the temptation to "be" angry for short term gain would have ultimately followed my all the days of my life. It is a daily chore to deal with the sea-sick feelings I still get. What an awful thing it is to be abused and how hard it is to watch them "get away with it" - that is until I read a testimony like this one.  You have no idea (or perhaps you do) how much good this will do for so many people.  

Personally I am dedicating a portion of my work now to helping men who find themselves on the receiving end of abusive behavior to equip them with the tools to live freely and with grace. I will be sharing your list with these men.  Interestingly, the British Journal of Nursing reports that in England, men are asking that Domestic Abuse cease to be classified by gender.

Blessings to you in your journey.

Rev