Tinderella for 6 months

[mcro12]

I’m 30, and she is 32, we went on a tinder date and from day 1 she has been sexual with me, initially for the first few days after seeing each other multiple times a week, she asked for commitment in terms of not being intimate with someone else.
We met in June 19, and by July she displayed characteristics that seemed like a lot of work, so I broke it off with her, and she wouldn’t take it as an answer and won me back with intense sex and vulnerability.

We broke up every few weeks over stupid things like my attitude towards politics, and thoughts on certain cultures. On and on, she would leave and come back to me. I was always curious as to what the main cause of her not wanting me as a suitable partner, so i wanted to learn what it was so that I can learn and be that person for her. But it always changed.

She always spoke about her long term ex who supposedly cheated on her throughout their 7 year relationship. She has been dating and having lots of flings in the last few years. I know this because she tells me subtly. She always says that it takes her time to be intimate with someone, but given the ONS she has had, I’d think otherwise.

Anyways during OCT, NOV and DEC she wants only a sexual relationship with me because she can’t commit because I am not a long term partner for her. But I had to promise her that I wasn’t intimate with anyone else. So I did it because our sexual chemistry is off the charts, including roleplay and lingerie. I had a woman who would do a corporate job and then come to mine in lingerie and have sex on the balcony. This went on really well for the both of us. Eventhough I was slowly falling for her, as she would always be caring towards me.

In Dec, I fell acutely I’ll and required surgery which would take me out of being sexually active for a few months. She got to know this and immediately sent me a text that she couldn’t see me intimately anymore. She was dating frequently and having sex using dating apps, while I was completely paralysed due to my illness. She would check up on me over the phone but would never come visit even as a friend. I eventually got tired of trying to be her friend and went NC. In 4 days she reached out as she was in severe physical pain and asked me to look after her for a few hours, she made a move on me and we were intimate again.

This was in the first week of Jan20 and she promised me that she will try and take care and be there for me in the coming days as I was struggling to even walk or stand. She lied, a week later, I had to cry out and ask for assistance and she said she was too busy(seeing other men)and that’s when I called her and mentioned she either be there as an honest friend, or NC. She promised to come over the next day.

This was when again, we were intimate and I asked her to tbh. She was with multiple men during DEC and JAN. But I had nothing to worry about because she wasn’t serious with any of them. She told me that she couldn’t see me on arranged times because she suddenly had dates at the time. She then opened up about being reluctant to commitment.

I did go for surgery and she was supportive on the phone and told me she is not dating and wants me to recover so we can be FWB again. And even cancelled on visiting me post surgery today because she had made plans.

Tbh, I don’t trust her anymore. But the sex is soo good that I don’t want to let go. I also opened up and told her I love her in the last few weeks because I wanted her to be there for me, to show me that she is capable of being loving and in a relationship. She said that our whole thing is overwhelming for her.

I no longer see her as a suitable long term partner, because tbh she runs away from even being a decent human when an opportunity rises. I am so lost. And it’s affecting my mental health and recovery from surgery. As I am depressed.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board.

I am sorry to hear about your health issues.  I know how tough that can be and on top of it to have relationship issues as well makes everything even more painful.  How are you doing today?  Do you have your surgery scheduled?

Tbh, I don’t trust her anymore. But the sex is soo good that I don’t want to let go. I also opened up and told her I love her in the last few weeks because I wanted her to be there for me, to show me that she is capable of being loving and in a relationship. She said that our whole thing is overwhelming for her.

Good sex is a powerful pull for a lot of our members.  If she is not ready for a love relationship, declaring your love for her may only push her away.  Do you think that might have happened here? 

I no longer see her as a suitable long term partner, because tbh she runs away from even being a decent human when an opportunity rises. I am so lost. And it’s affecting my mental health and recovery from surgery. As I am depressed.

Are you getting help and support as you work through your health issues?  Surgery can have a big impact on us especially if recovery is long term.  What other sort of support do you have?