Trying to stay strong please help

[Pipedreamer25]

Struggling today guys,  just trying to stay strong everything is a blur.   Huge day tomorrow,   people seem to be coming out of the woodwork from everywhere.    Friends,  family, I never knew about.   Ex girlfriends and boyfriends.   I feel like everyone is linking up but me.   I'm scared I'm about to get a big nasty surprise.   I really don't know what to expect.   

[SinisterComplex]

Keep your composure. Don't put the pressure on yourself. Do what you can to think and stay positive. Instead of thinking about the worst perhaps you will get an uplifting surprise. Maybe just maybe someone will say something that really hits home to help you feel better. Support may come from the most unlikely of places. Through all of what you are going through and feeling please be kind to yourself and take care.

Cheers, hugs, and best wishes to you!

-SC-

[Harri]

How did things go today? 

[Vincenta]

Dear Pipedreamer,

How are you?
How did the funeral go?

Hugs

[Rev]

Struggling today guys,  just trying to stay strong everything is a blur.   Huge day tomorrow,   people seem to be coming out of the woodwork from everywhere.    Friends,  family, I never knew about.   Ex girlfriends and boyfriends.   I feel like everyone is linking up but me.   I'm scared I'm about to get a big nasty surprise.   I really don't know what to expect.   

Hang in there - for me this felt like being seasick - you? 

You just got to do what you got to ride it out - make healthy choices, like reaching out here.

You've got friends who know what you are going through. And we know that you are not a reflection of her disorder.  Stay in your lane.

Fist pump bigtime.

Rev

[Pipedreamer25]

Hey all,

I've been doing my best to get through these last couple of days.  I'm just such a mix of emotions.    There is desperate sadness times,  I miss him so dearly and I really feel like when he was well we were very happy.   But I'm also starting to feel some anger about some of the things that he did that hurt me.   And I feel awful for that,  especially as they will now never be resolved.   I hate that we were in such a confusing place before he passed and I also think that if it we weren't in a confusing place it wouldn't have happened.   

Just yeah,   I'm a ball of emotions, nothing feels straightforward or easy to understand.   All I know is I miss him dearly.

[SinisterComplex]

Pipe, so do not judge yourself. Just let it all out and do not hold onto any of it. You need to get rid of the weight. Feel how you need to feel, but process it all...on your own timeline and in your own way.

I truly wish you the best moving forward. I will be around for support on this board as I am sure many of us will be. Do you and if you ever need to reach out please feel free to do so. Going through a tragedy such as this is never easy and the hurt sucks no matter how you slice it.

Cheers, hugs, and all the best to you!

-SC-

[Pipedreamer25]

Thanks SC,  I just hate that we were in such a bad place when he died.   I just don't know how to get over that.   Thank you for all of your support