Art, worthlessness, Encouragement and helping

[Beren2016]

Hi all

Apologies if this is not in a suitable place, I was hoping to get some advice and expience from some real humans And not just the Internet.

This may sound like something that happens to everybody but I'm sure I don't need to tell people the emotion I'm talking are about are dialed up to the extreme.

My Girlfriend has BPD and is an fantastic artist, she has a talent for drawing and it is one of her passions... The problem she faces is that her self esteem and self belief is rock bottom and also she hates, with a passion, everything she draws and is convinced that she can't draw at all  this has killed her drive to pursue her art and has killed her passion for what she loves...  I belive her art is key to re building some of her self esteem and helping her with her core belief that she is worthless

I encourage her as much as I can, I have bought her some new materials so she has new stuff to work with and always share my true opinions with her, when she will even let me see her work, we have made some headway recently and she has been trying to draw more and get back into what she used to love...

 For her this is an uphill struggle and I was wondering if anybody has faced a similar situation and if you had any advice as to any ways that I can better encourage her and build on what she is doing and help her see the talent that is there..

It's the artists curse to only see the bad in work but for my GF it is like a brick wall to even trying.

Thank you all in advance

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pursuingJoy]

Beren2016, my goodness I can hear your love for her.

You described my 16 year old daughter. She doesn't have BPD, but she is an amazing artist and is just as self-loathing and self-deprecating as your GF. I too believe that art is as necessary to her as breathing, that it's a healing outlet. But the more I encourage her, the more she steels herself.

Art is a bit of a mystery. It comes from the soul, and when the soul feels trapped, the art is trapped too. Artists often appreciate and find inspiration in multiple mediums. I've had more luck dropping the conversations about her own art, instead working to ensure that D16 feels loved, supported, and inspired. Sometimes when she calls me upset, I drop everything and go to pick her up and spend time with her. Her dad bought her tickets to a broadway show and she talks about that experience frequently. We support her desire for music, bought her powerpoint, and one of us is at all of her plays, even though she's "only" on the tech team. She finds strange treasures at Goodwill to wear and has her own quirky style. She changes her hair like the wind so I learned to dye hair.

These are small things but by loving and supporting her, and giving her opportunities to steep herself in art, she feels safer to express her own. Hope these ideas give you some of your own. I love what you're trying to do and I think it's worth it!

[UBPDHelp]

Hi Beren,

I am new here and no expert in the best way to handle pwBPD, even though I have been married to one for over 20 years (slow learner!). H has just become more dysregulated (more often at least) over the last few years.

My H has narcissistic tendencies but I believe deep down struggles with low self esteem. I, too, try to validate worth, but often doesn’t work.

The art is amazing and how wonderful that your girlfriend has that talent.  One thought I had would be to encourage her by maybe asking her to help you or a child or friend create a piece of art as a present for someone else.  How do you draw still life or a person?  Where do you start?  Could you show me?  I don’t know if she would, but I wonder if being the “expert” along with some compliments (maybe from additional people besides you) would instill some confidence again.  

Or maybe see if she would take an art class with you that you’ve been “wanting” to try.  Something you could do together. I don’t encourage dishonesty, but I would say to make sure her artwork is “better”.

Just a couple ideas...I hope you find success in your journey.