Picking the right treatment program

[SixMs]

We've come to the end of the line...well, almost.  Our 16 yr old daughter has BPD traits along with several other mental health diagnosis; ODD, DMDD, dissociative (depersonalization/derationalization) disorder, PTSD, anxiety disorder and bouts of major depression.  She has been in individual therapy for many many years, DBT, was dismissed from an IOP for not participating (not to mention we had to call the police twice to get her in the car to go), and was hospitalized for a week this summer.  She 100% refuses group therapy so she is doing the DBT-C (for younger children) in lieu of the group sessions.  Her twice a week sessions with her therapist are not nearly enough and with her unwillingness to participate in anything beyond her individual therapy, we are not making any headway.  Things are actually getting worse to the point where she not been to school for over 2 weeks (I don't see how she will ever go back so we are looking at online programs) and is becoming physically ill in many ways.  Because of the intense fear of abandonment characteristic of BPD and the fact that she truly is a complex young lady with all of these things going on, it is an extremely difficult decision to find a residential program that's right for her.  All 3 of our other children are noticeably suffering from our traumatic home life living with an emotionally disregulated sibling which has motivated us to face the fact that we now have to make this difficult decision to move her out of our home and get treatment she needs.   Do we go with a long program like Sunrise or a shorter 2-3 month program?  With the cost being so outrageous we really only get one shot at this to get it right.  Many of the programs are perfect for treating BPD but what about all the other disorders she has?  Any advice on what we should be considering as we make this decision? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi Six,
 I feel for you and understand where you are coming from.  What does your child's therapist say regarding residential? It could very provide stability for your child as it is a controlled environment.  However, keep in mind it is very possible the stability "wears off" once back in the real world.  This is not an absolute, but it is a possibility. However, you have to focus on the today.  start with her therapist being an ally for you.

[Isanni]

Sounds exhausting and frustrating. We didn't get much insight from our daughter's psychiatrist so hired an educational consultant. My kid sounds a lot like yours. She is finishing a wilderness program - has a long way to go but she has changed a lot for the better. She's off to a therapeutic boarding school this week. I don't think her going straight to the boarding school would have worked - she was too angry, hateful (I'm sure you get what I mean - basically spinning out of control).
If you can afford it, the consultant expense was well worth it. 

[BenFranklin]

For what it's worth, ( everyone's different) my daughter just went thru 6 months in a residential program. She's home now, I'm hopeful and in her case, I can't see where 2-3 months would have done enough.