So she got engaged with the new guy after 4+ months together.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello again, i have been having better days but today i am feeling really down. She got engaged with the guy she left me for last Friday. Everything was put on social media  aw course. It was put in my face from many people. At that time on Friday it did not sting as bad. But today i am really struggling.

Some words of motivation would help, and pointers on the situation. It has been almost 5 months now, i am doing better and have gotten to a better place in my mind and mentally feeling more stable. But right now in this moment this day i am feeling down and missing her and hating her at the same time.

Anyways,  cheers.

[Teddy007]

Hello again, i have been having better days but today i am feeling really down. She got engaged with the guy she left me for last Friday. Everything was put on social media  aw course. It was put in my face from many people. At that time on Friday it did not sting as bad. But today i am really struggling.

Some words of motivation would help, and pointers on the situation. It has been almost 5 months now, i am doing better and have gotten to a better place in my mind and mentally feeling more stable. But right now in this moment this day i am feeling down and missing her and hating her at the same time.

Anyways,  cheers.

[SinisterComplex]

Oh Teddy...bro (yes I am going bro talk here)...its like this...be beyond social media. Pull out the baby powder...slap the B*tch out of yourself. Nut up man! All of this is predictable at this point. Look at it this way...who is the real winner here? You are. Smile and laugh and say good luck to the other guy (no not seriously...just in your mind). You know why? You are free. This mess is no longer any of your concern. You are better than this. Be better than this. You are staying tied to it and it just isn't worth it. Seriously...you have to truly adopt the DGAF attitude and approach. No one person is worth this torment and emotion. NO ONE! You know what is really sad...this world now sucks a bit more because Kobe Bryant died...that is big news.

Your ex getting engaged...that is negligible news...it shouldn't even register on your radar. Seriously man your watch ended and you get to go on and live a happier and better life. Would you seriously want to sign yourself up for the BS you just went through long-term? Don't live in fantasy world. It was never going to be better and it was never going to end any differently man. I've had your back this entire time since I joined here. I will continue to do so. Again, I will tell you what you need to hear though...not necessarily what you want to hear. You know why? That is what true friends and people who care do. ;-)

You must detach completely. You may not be able to go about it the way I do which is fine...do things your own way. I don't do social media nor do I give two sh*ts about any of it. Facebook, twitter, instacrap...seriously unplug and live life. Worry about you and only you. Social media is what causes so much of this turmoil. Its all an act and a front. Take an interest in yourself and not what other people are doing. If you are curious about others...really connect with them...phone calls, emails, texts.

From this point forward embrace indifference. You do not care either way. You are not happy for her, you are not mad at her, you do not wish her any ill will...you just DGAF one way or the other. True outcome independence man. Nothing she does with her life affects you anymore...capeesh?

Now seriously...get your head screwed on straight and set some new goals and then attack those goals like a lion hunting for its prey. Get after it and own every day from here on out to better yourself.

Cheers to you amigo.

-SC-

[Teddy007]

Hahaha ty Sinister. You are really good at putting words in text. I mean you should be a motivational writer. But this was in one way or another what i really needed to hear. It just comes back and sneak up on you from nowhere sometimes.

And as you said, then you need a slap in the face. Serious thank you bro for all the answers and tough love/motivation you written here.

Cheers

[Rev]

.

Some words of motivation would help, and pointers on the situation. It has been almost 5 months now, i am doing better and have gotten to a better place in my mind and mentally feeling more stable. But right now in this moment this day i am feeling down and missing her and hating her at the same time.

Anyways,  cheers.

So I was going to weigh in on my own but then I re-read what S-Complex wrote and really - I can't improve on the words.

But I do want to give you an image to hold on to - 'cause I'm really liking the bro talk right now.

So where is your "men will be men" place - me - it's in a pub - where I can swear to my heart's content and bitch about the stupid stuff in the world and have a good laugh.

Tell us - me and SC - where is that place for you?  Invite us there.  In the meantime, imagine that we know where this new-found guy is - and imagine us telling him - hey "bro" - me and SC - we like just want to thank you for taking her off of Teddy's hands.

Good luck to you man - but you have NOO idea what you just stepped into.  Welcome to OZ my friend.  When it hits - come join us. Life here - pretty grand.

Have a good one Teddy.

And... F--- her and the horse she left on.

Rev

[Teddy007]

Ty Rev, and yes i agree about the pub, drinking beer and taking over the world. I know the feeling. And sure whole and whole right now in the world with The fires in Australia, Corona virus, Iran conflict and so on this is really just small stuff
Just want to point out that i am grateful for my life, my health and all i have in my life. But this is simply just human, and i needed to went and reach out, and with the answers i feel a lot better all ready so ty guys for the good answers.

Kobe Bryant was a legend of the game, truly shame to lose such a great sportsman! R.i.p Kobe!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Teddy,  If your Ex has BPD, she still has it, so consider yourself lucky to be out of the line of fire.  How well does the new guy know her after 4+ months?  Not very well, I would guess.  It takes time for the emotional turbulence to surface and the early stages of a r/s with a pwBPD are often quite misleading.  So I suggest you practice gratitude for being out of an unhealthy situation.  As SC notes, your task is to reach a place of indifference.

LJ

[once removed]

hi Teddy,

like you, my ex immediately jumped into a new relationship. when i was going through my breakup, this kind of news was one of the things i feared the most.

it always stings a bit when an ex gets in a new relationship. more so when we are grieving, or if part of us still holds out some hope. news like this just sucks. its closure...but its the last kind of closure youd ever want to get.

eventually, though, the sting and shock of it will fade, and we are here for you in the mean time. there are better things your future.

[BobsBurger]

I kept away from all social media for almost 2 years but somehow managed to mess that up in the last few months..turns out my ex started dating the guy she had lined up straight away, they were having a kid after a few months and now they're married... To be honest I almost feel it would have been better to know this for the last 2 years as it might have helped the process. Don't get me wrong I never thought there was an y chance of getting back together and I knew she'd have been dating one of the potentials she'd lined up, but it was all so intangible. If you don't know you imagine the best and the worst and everything Inbetween.. Knowing for sure sucks but at least you know the deal

 

[hmf2234]

I know what you are feeling man, my ex moved 1000 miles away on a whim to live with another man she knew nothing about. 4 months later she found out she was pregnant and plastered it all over social media, "im so happy my best friend will be the father of my child, bla bla bla". I immediately thought to myself "damn, this dude is f*****d! she trapped his ass hardcore, r.i.p!". Up Until then I was a mess, finding out she was pregnant seemed to have released me from my mental torment about our breakup. It's like a switch went off and I went from being depressed to realizing how much of a bullet I have dodged.

She tried contacting me multiple times (most likely to brag about how happy she is and how this guy is everything I couldn't be) but I stayed true and kept NC. She's over 6mo pregnant now and I could care less.

Sinister gave you a nice dose of reality. Just keep on trucking and find ways to distract you from the pain, even if it is temporarily. One activity to another, whether its work, leisure, hobbies, hanging with friends... just keep taking your mind off it until eventually you will stop giving a crap! Time, time, time! find ways to get through that time!