Seeking anything in the form of support

[londonwrap]

Hello,

My sister has struggled with severe depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. We are three years apart. I am older. We grew up in a nice home and were always safe however my parents were hardly home. My mom works in corporate America and has been traveling far from home since I was probably 7 my sister 4. We barely ate meals together or even cooked. I just remember a ton of take out leftovers or food cooked by nannies left in the fridge. I dance professionally and started training when I was a small child. Eventually I too was never home. And my sister spent most of her upbringing alone in a “nice” home. Her freshman year of high school she attempted to commit suicide. After that she went into an in treatment center and when that wasn’t helping she attended an outpatient center called pacific quest. This helped but the amount of school she missed to attend made it so that she graduated high school at a private high school so that she could finish on time. Since then she’s graduated undergraduate and graduate school and now is a social worker. While a piece of me feels she must be doing ok to have moved on her own and finished these achievements. However throughout it all I have constantly feared her health and am always awaiting her dark messages and calls. Yes she’s achieved a lot. And sometimes she even has glimmers of perspective and faith. However there is always a low point around the corner. As I grow and work on my own personal mental health I’m seeing how unable I feel to set any boundaries. I’m very grateful she feels she can come to me. However I often am just listening to deep pain, frustration, anger, and guilt. There’s nothing I can say to help and I don’t feel safe to hang up. So I stay on. Recently I shared some of her texts with my therapist and he believes she shows signs of a personality disorder. Because she has not been officially diagnosed, I hope it is ok that I am using this resource. In my research I feel many of her behaviors are fitting to the disorder. And I’m open to any advice or wisdom or tips or shadings that any one may want to give from reading this. I’m going on 20 some years of this cycle. I’m not sure if I’ll ever have a life without this so how do I make the best of it?

[pursuingJoy]

Welcome, and hi!    

Many of us can relate to what you're feeling about your sister. It is absolutely ok to use this resource even if there isn't an official diagnosis. I've learned a host of helpful tools from people on this site because BPD at its core is a way of relating. I'm sure you'll find the support you're looking for as well as some suggestions on how to protect your emotional self and best support your sister.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever have a life without this so how do I make the best of it?

What support mechanisms does she have other than you?

If you're open to sharing more, it can be really helpful to have some examples of conversations you've had with her. We can talk through what we see and maybe what to shift around to get different results.

This can get better. So glad you are reached out. Know you're not alone.
pj

[Methuen]

Hello

Many of us are here because our pwBPD refuses to see anyone or be diagnosed.  My mom is undiagnosed as well.  When our pwBPD has no awareness or is in denial, it leaves us with the responsibility to change how we respond to their behaviors, if we want the dynamic to change.

I have found the resources on this site to be super helpful in finding new ways to interact with my mom.  There are a lot of new skills we can learn and use to hopefully lesson the conflict and drama in the relationship, and protect ourselves and our well-being from the damage that can happen.

I'm sure you have already found the link to "How to Get the Most Out of this Site" at the top of the page for the group Parent, Sibling and In-law".  There is a lot of really useful info and skills to learn and practice which can be helpful, and I frequently return to those resources to refresh myself.

Let us know how we can help.