Weird stories about their exes?

[Wowee Zowee]

Hello everyone!

I have been a casual lurker on this forum a long time ago and I have to say this community is very helpful. I decided to post here today after learning of some updates about my ex-girlfriend (whom I always suspected was BPD but was never diagnosed as far as I know), which are puzzling me a bit.

First of all, my ex discarded me around 5 years ago and I have been very happy with my new partner for 3 years, with whom things have been going extremely well and we are talking about getting married! So I am well over my ex.

Around 7 years ago, my ex-gf and I got together. She had always been "straight" before me and our entire relationship was one hell of a ride because she would be straight one week and lesbian the following week, then another week she would be bisexual, then back to straight and she didn't love me, then straight but I was the exception and she loved me. Eventually, she came out as bisexual around 5-6 years ago (which I think she really is) but was struggling hard with her feelings for me and her sexual orientation. By that point we had broken up maybe 10 times, she wasn't in love with me anymore but needed me there as her best friend to help her out through this ordeal, which I did because I was very young (early 20s), in love and extremely naive.

Shortly after that, I couldn't take it anymore and told her I wanted us to keep a distance. We would still talk to each other, but as friends, not as best friends or ex-lovers or lovers or whatever else. So we did keep a distance for a few months, during which she was very secretive and acting like I was stalking her or refusing to let her go, like I would say "Hi, how's it going?" when I would ran into her on campus and she would say "What do you mean? Why are you asking me that? I'm busy leave me alone".

Eventually, at a party, when we were all very drunk, she walked up to me and told me she had been sleeping with this guy (a friend of a friend that we met a few times), that he was crazy and had been abusing her and she felt betrayed. I asked her why she was telling me this now, and she said she wanted to tell me before but she was scared that I would get angry and react badly, like I always did (I never reacted badly, even that time when she skyped me to tell me she cheated on me with her ex-bf). This erupted into a big fight where I threw a glass of water at her (just the water, not the glass) and she pushed me and kicked me in the head while I was lying on the ground. The next day she was all apologetic, said she needed my help, that she didn't remember kicking me, that she didn't know what to do about her sexuality, she kept trying to be with guys but couldn't, etc etc

The following day, I saw her on campus and she told me she told her parents everything that had happened between us, and it was very clear that I was abusive and manipulative, that she had always been straight all along but I toyed with her head. This was the last time I ever talked to her. She blocked me on all social media, blocked my number, blocked my email address, even went as far as to block me on skype (which I use once in a blue moon).

A few days later, I found out that the guy she had been sleeping with called things off with her because she told him "I love you" after 2 dates. He got scared and ended things with her immediately (smart guy).

Around a month after she ghosted me, I heard from a friend we have in common that my ex-gf was now dating another guy (a doctor), which had asked her out when we were still together, but at the time she was saying that she'd rather die alone as a cat lady than date a guy like that. This guy became my replacement.

Fast forward to last week. I am meeting up with this friend we have in common. We chat for a bit, then she mentions my ex, I tell her I don't know what's happening with her anymore and I wish her the best with her doctor boyfriend. My friend tells me "wait who?" then I learn that she's now dating another guy, because it turns out that the doctor (ex) boyfriend was "a homosexual all along". She met her new boyfriend very quickly after her break-up with the gay (?) doctor around 2 years ago.

I went home that night and discussed this with my partner. I told her that my ex was so unlucky but at least she's doing better now. My partner raised an eyebrow and said: "Don't you think it's weird that she was struggling so hard with her sexuality when you were together and now the exact same thing is happening to this guy?" This took me by surprise and made me think.

NOW I know that we all have different paths in life, people come out as LGBTQI+ at different stages of life all the time, but this seems so... convenient and very coincidental? I mean:
1. No break-ups were ever my ex-gf's fault, she was always abused, victimised, let down, betrayed, etc.
2. What are the odds that my ex-gf who struggled with her sexuality the entire time we were together, had been dating a guy who had the EXACT same issue?
3. This sounds a lot like homophobic projection "I can't be gay therefore it means you are!"

Did something like this ever happen to you? It's been getting at me because I honestly thought she would live happily ever after with my replacement. I am feeling a bit sad for her about this because it sounds like she's just doing the same thing all over again and there's no way of escaping it.

I keep picturing her (no offense to BPD people, please do tell me if I cross a line) as a vampire who goes to victim after victim because she can't stop herself from sucking blood, as long as she doesn't get proper professional help.

Thank you for reading!

TL;DR
Learned last week that my estranged probably BPD ex-gf is no longer with my replacement because he turned out to be gay (her words). Wondering if anyone else was ever in a situation where all the stories about their exwBPD's exes are wildly bizarre?

[dt9000]

WZ,

Yes, my BPDex had a horrible ending to all of her relationships. Both with intimate partners and friends. It is a pattern that has repeated itself throughout her life. Every. Single. Relationship ended badly.

When we first met, I thought how horrible that everyone in her life treated her so badly. She was the victim and I was her savior, or so I thought. Now I realize that the people in her life (most of them, there might have been a few jerks) were victims of her idealization-devaluation-discard cycles.

My replacement lasted for about 6 months before that relationship crashed and burned as well. I have no idea what her current status is but I don't have any illusion that she has changed.

My BPDex also sometimes alternated between straight, bi, and lesbian, usually when it was convenient for her. I once caught her sleeping with a woman and she claimed it was not an affair because she wasn't gay. Then she told me that I should just admit that I was gay and she would have more respect for me.

Ugh.

dt9000

[Wowee Zowee]

My BPDex also sometimes alternated between straight, bi, and lesbian, usually when it was convenient for her. I once caught her sleeping with a woman and she claimed it was not an affair because she wasn't gay. Then she told me that I should just admit that I was gay and she would have more respect for me.

Thanks for sharing your experience dt9000!

Wow, there's a lot to unpack here. I thought I was reading too much into things and honestly did not expect anyone to have been through the same situation I was describing, it's almost unnerving (or did we date the same girl? ).

So yeah, it's possible that her ex is not gay at all but she's running a weird smear campaign towards him. Poor dude.

[Las1604]

Went through the same sexual orientation problem with my ex. Straight most of her life, then lesbian, then bisexual when she was seeing me, then totally straight for a month when she was seeing me still, then straight for only me and lesbian for everyone else, then completely lesbian and at that point she dumped me.

Craziness. BPD can also cause havoc with people's sexual orientation.