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Author Topic: I'm trapped in one room with BPD  (Read 551 times)
Serene694
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Relationship status: Roommate
Posts: 2



« on: February 04, 2020, 01:46:16 PM »

So... hi at first. It's not exactly about my sibling or something but my roommate I'm kind of trapped with (and I can describe our relationship as sister-ish in some way).

We've met few years ago and in 2018 she said "hey, l'll go to the same university as you and we can rent a room together!" - I agreed, although I felt she's not mentally well but I thought "I can get through this" cause I really needed any roommate. After a few days I've realized that something's really wrong with her - I've beaten depression, been in mental hospital, seen a lot of cases there and a big red alarm in my head turned on. Took me a long time to bring her to psychiatrist and when I finally did it, they diagnosed BPD+passive-aggressive personality+AvPD+several others and instantly locked her in hospital for 3 months.

She came back in October and it seemed she's better but after a few weeks her friends started to ask me, one by one, how can they run away from her because she scares them, tries to destroy their relationships with parents/friends/significant others, destroy their own self-esteem, forces changes in themselves and generally after the hospital she became extremely toxic person - of course they described these situations and I was terrified. Once even she tried to give to my friend a box of her strong neuroleptics as "just pills for better sleep" which could even kill him because he has big health problems (and she knew that). Like... before treatment she was more type "in", her aggression and everything was more inside and now all of this came outside, hitting others and for some reason she tried to hide it from me.

About 1.5 month ago almost all of her old friends finally ran away from her and she found new ones, who don't know about her illness yet, so now I'm on the fire line again as one of a few people who know and still have contact with her. And, well... yes, it's much worse than before. She's not a perfect roommate, nobody is, but now I feel like I'm living with 8-yo girl who has the same rights as adults, no parental control and really big problems with herself that she transfers to other people. When anything in flat is broken/missing/bad in any way, for her it's always my fault, she expects that I'll do everything to keep it clean and make her content, when I try to force her to do anything, she gets angry and have bigger or smaller aggression attack, sometimes she's aggressive to my cat and my friends when they're visiting me, also she tries to destroy my relationship with my boyfriend.

I really want to leave but I can't. I have almost 2 years of studying left, have a part-time job, but I don't earn enough money to move from here and leave this cheap flat I live with her, sometimes it isn't even enough to survive to the next payment. I'm also from poor family and they cannot help me. Her parents are rich and I have kind of... arrangement (?) with them: as long as I'm living with her and cleaning up her mental mess (or trying to), I can ask them for help when I need something, food, specialist to repair something, maybe even some money etc. Until I'm studying (I can't take a break because my degree course is already closed for new students and I couldn't continue it later on the same level) I can only dream about normal, better paid job so it seems I'm f****d up. I only hope that anybody here can give me advice how to survive with her until I get free.

By the way, I'm sorry for possible mistakes I make, I'm not native english speaker so you can point it if you want and please, don't get angry because of it Smiling (click to insert in post)
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pursuingJoy
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Inlaw
Posts: 1389



« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2020, 02:36:42 PM »

Serene, hi!  Welcome new member (click to insert in post) Welcome to bpdfamily   Virtual hug (click to insert in post)  Please don't apologize for your English, it's amazing and I admire your courage for communicating all of this in a second language. Very impressive.  With affection (click to insert in post)

I really want to leave but I can't.

Her parents are rich and I have kind of... arrangement (?) with them: as long as I'm living with her and cleaning up her mental mess (or trying to), I can ask them for help when I need something, food, specialist to repair something, maybe even some money etc.

It's hard to hear that you don't have options. She's been aggressive towards your cat and friends, and tried to give your boyfriend pills she probably knew would harm him. Do you feel safe?

I know we're happy to share tools on this site, there are some about setting boundaries and validating that have been really helpful. Can you tell us what the hardest parts are for you, or what you'd like to focus on?
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   Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? ~CS Lewis
Serene694
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Relationship status: Roommate
Posts: 2



« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2020, 06:20:47 AM »

Oh, thanks, you're great!  With affection (click to insert in post) Also I'm really grateful for these articles  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

Well, I tried to understand her and accept, and before hospital I think I've been doing this but since all of this from October to now... happened, I feel I'm unable to understand her anymore. I just... I just don't get it, I can't solve the question "what have I done wrong that all of this came so bad" - I wanted to help her, found her the best specialists I could, watched if she takes her pills and stopped hurting herself and I got... this. I have no idea what else can I do to fix it or what things should I avoid if I'll ever be in similar situation 'cause I thought that it will be working and I can't find which choices were wrong (except accepting idea about renting a room together). I feel totally lost and kind of broken. And I don't feel safe with her but I have no clue what can I do. Maybe understanding her is the key but I don't know how to do it or where to start.

All of these things hit me actually few days ago and that's why I'm here. I have some health issues, now not mental but physical, and last week I've been in hospital and had a surgery - not a big deal yet, but I shouldn't walk more than it's absolutely necessary for 4-5 days after it. I came back home, told her about it and asked if she could just take a little care of me for these few days. She said "no" and behind it was "I don't care, I won't wash dishes, I won't make a dinner even if you'll give me money for it, I won't help you go downstairs, I'll just go out everyday till you get better and now you're on your own" - so I walked 'cause I had to and in result two days after surgery I had bleeding and almost ended up in hospital again, so now my recovery will take a little bit longer and I have to ask my other friends for help, but they are not able to do it often enough because they live across town and they can't help even if they want. And I think... I took two years of my time to help her and she expects more but I can't get from her even a few days of help in everyday stuff when I'm unable to do almost anything. Sometimes I feel like she wants to literally make a zombie of me, a thing that doesn't need anything except doing things for her.
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