New at this

[Afloat41]

  Brand new here, I just need a place to vent and find myself!  After 15 years of marriage, I believe I have figured out that my husband has BPD.  I couldn't understand for years and years of our marriage why he didn't understand me, didn't show emotion, didn't support me when I was sad...the list goes on and on.  I have developed Depression over the years, which I now have under control, but I often wonder if it because of what I have dealt with all this time that made me this way!  A couple years ago I remember falling on my knees asking God for help!  Then one day last year my husband said something to me that changed my whole life!  He told me he was "coping"!  I started researching "coping" and mechanisms people use to comfort themselves when they struggle.  I found that his coping was a negative kind and that it isn't healthy.  I also realized that my husband's avoidant behavior is, yes...a form of BPD!  The more I read, the more I am convinced that this is what is going on in our house.  To summarize, I believe God gave me a path - an answer, and I found the reason I was looking for.  IT IS THE SCARIEST THING IN THE WORLD!  And at the same time, I am so relieved that I figured it out! 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Welcome to the family, Afloat!

You've landed in a safe place full of people who understand what you're going through. We all know that combination of relief and fear (even horror?) that comes with "discovering" BPD. Definitely been there myself.

I hope, when you feel up to it, you'll share a bit more about your relationship. What sorts of behaviors does he exhibit? What are some primary problem areas?

The more we know, the better we'll be able to advise you and point you towards helpful tools -- if that's what you want. If you just want to vent, we're here for that, too!

Again, welcome!

[Afloat41]

He seems to use black and white thinking, nothing is ever in between!  He is easily offended by things I say, and mostly offended when i ask him a question.  A couple months ago he told me how his work was the most important thing to him, and my heart just broke.  He didn't understand why this upset me.  I told him it didn't feel good to be second best in his life.  The very next day he re-stated that his work is most important.  The most important reason for me to research this BPD topic is because he is avoidant.  Doesn't want to talk about anything, become a big procrastinator.  When we have conflict, he avoids me for a day and then, the next day he asks me when I plan on leaving him.  I have never mentioned leaving...not ONCE!