Son sick, still about her

[Spindle0516]

Just an interesting observation-

Everything is okay, but had to take husband to the ER last night, and it resulted in a minor surgical procedure this morning, and one more evening in the hospital.

But even in the midst of the crisis, it still turned into a situation about her, and how she felt about my husband not being well, rather than just allowing space for my husband to not be well. My husband was in excruciating pain, she was saying inappropriate things about all the horrible things that similar pain has resulted in for her or family members. This made my husband panic that he was really, really sick. Then MIL was crying because she was worried when we decided to go to ER. So husband had to stop and calm her down. It resulted in my husband having a panic attack enroute to the hospital because I got really upset with her for how she interacted with him and I had no qualms with showing it in that moment.

She couldn't help it. Just really interesting how her expression of concern over her son has more to do with how she feels about what is happening, rather than being there for him in the moment and supporting him during a difficult situation. 

[GaGrl]

Having just had this experience (ER, unexpected surgery), I know how important it was that my husband stayed calm and was at my side until I was wheeled into surgery. How disappointing that some people can't "get out of themselves."

 I was just thinking today about ways I can tell my mom has a few BPD traits but isn't full-on BPD. When my husband brought her into my hospital room, I was aware she was there but heavily medicated. She just sat and held my hand, and that's what I needed.

On the other hand, do you sometimes find yourself skipping S-E- and going straight to Truth? I do.

[Spindle0516]

 On the other hand, do you sometimes find yourself skipping S-E- and going straight to Truth? I do.

GaGrl- yes, 1,000%

It is tricky for me. I have high levels of empathy, but I tend to he very direct in the way I communicate, especially verbally.

On top of uBPD, some of the friction is also a cultural thing. Her family is from the south. My family is from NY/Korea. If someone asks me a direct question, I will give a direct answer, where she was raised to give an answer that is most pleasing to everyone.

Even if BPD weren't in play, we would probably still find communicating tricky at times. I think it really just proves how valuable a tool SET can be regardless of who you are communicating with.

(I also dont know why it is including what I wrote as part of an excerpt? I cant fix it!)

[madeline7]

So when I was enroute to the hospital literally with contractions 5 minutes apart, my uBPDm started raging at me, and my enabler Dad reinforced her irrational rant. After I was back home with a 5 day old newborn, they were at my house wanting to rehash the argument (rehash means continuing to rage and blame). I asked my Mom to please stop yelling, as I had jusy had a baby, and her reply was that she had 3 babies. When I said that mine was born 5 days ago thru emergency C section, it didn't faze her. In that moment, I knew it would always be about her. Narcissistic is an understatement.