I'm 22 years old and struggling to maintain healthy boundaries

[Nickienicks]

Hello everyone, I am new here to this space. It was recommended by my therapist that I seek a support group for this topic since my mother has BPD. I have struggled for years with her diagnosis, it has caused a lot of drama in my family since I was young. Angry outbursts, her overdose attempts and endng up hospitalized, my parents nearly divorcing... it was a lot. Today, I am 22 years old and am struggling to maintain healthy boundaries with her. She constantly feels although I have abandoned her, and that if I don't respond or go out of my way to show interest, she is upset and hurt. I am wondering if there is anyone else who is in a position of having someone with BPD in their life, and if they have any helpful advice or anything they can share with me regarding this experience.

Hopefully this helps me to navigate this rocky relationship a bit better somehow.

Thanks guys.

[Imatter33]

  Welcome Nickienicks.

I am very happy that you have found this forum.
All of us here are trying to navigate relationships with people that we love, but BPD makes it much harder.
That being said, you are getting help from a therapist. (yay go you!) It's a great step in carving out time for just yourself in a non-judgemental space to process what you need.

Many of us here have a family member that isn't officially diagnosed. uBPD. But some people have a person that knows they have it, BPD.

My first session with a therapist she suggested  I read a book called Stop Walking on Eggshells. That book and this site have been super helpful to me.
I encourage you to breathe, read posts, links and share with us here.
You are not alone. 

[Choosinghope]

Hello! 

I'm so glad that you found this site. It has been a Godsend for and many others on here who are struggling with a loved one. I would encourage you to really take advantage of the collective wisdom and experience that can be found here. Share what's on your mind and what you need help with. I guarantee that someone will at least be able to give you a huge boost of encouragement 

As far as giving advice, would you be able to give a bit more specifics about what you are struggling with in regards to your mom? With you being 22, the biggest question I had is if you are still living with your mom or financially dependent on her? That will affect a lot about how you navigate your relationship moving forward.

We would love to help you with whatever you would like to share in the future. Again, welcome!

[Turkish]

How is your father and other family involved? That's a lot to be put on your plate to handle by yourself. 

[stargazer95]

welcome!

First of all, I want to tell you what a blessing it is that you are still so young and seeking help from a therapist and know what you are dealing with (a BPD parent) and are learning the effects that has on you. You are in the right place to receive support. Welcome again.

My mother also has uBPD. She also feels like I dont give her enough attention. There is not end to her needs. I am learning to recognize that as part of her and try to not get consumed by it.

I am also wondering if you are still living with her? and how is your dad in this picture?

[Corgis4Lyfe]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! So happy you've found us.

I am in a very similar situation and there's going to be a long period of healing and boundary-setting ahead of you. Just remember, you are worth it.

If you haven't, I would highly recommend reading the book "Stop Walking On Egg Shells". My therapist suggested it and it has opened my eyes to BPD as a condition and how to take your life back when having someone in your life with it. I also have seen the book "Surviving A Borderline Parent" suggested on this forum. I haven't read it yet, but have ordered it and am looking forward to reading it. Might be a good one for you too!

Do you have a strong relationship with your father? Sometimes just the fact that there's at least 1 solid parental figure helps me feel better and less abandoned

Hang in there, please let us know what you need and how we can support you!