BDP or is it me?

[Yoyo1234]

Hi all,
Looking for some help. I’ll try and keep this as brief as possibly.

I’ve been with my wife 10 years, married 5. We have two children together age 2 1/2 and 6. We also have another child 12 from my wife’s previous marriage(my step daughter) Father died in a car accident while my wife was pregnant.

Myself and stepdaughter haven’t always had the best relationship, I feel mainly due to my wife’s ex mother in law always up talking her dead father(he was a functioning heroin addict btw). So S/D has never seen me as a dad.
Last year I was under investigation from social services and police for things s/d alleged at school. It was at this point I first noticed a change in my wife’s behaviour.  After a long investigation police and social services let things return to normal with no action taken, and an apology from social services. Under lots of pressure from previous husbands family my wife asked for separation. For months she was going back and forth between separation and loving me. We eventually stayed together Although things never returned to how they were before. My wife never set the story straight with people, so for them I am this horrible step father. Which has made things  awkward even impossible at times. I believe she enjoyed the attention at the time. 

My wife has been through a lot -1st Husband died 13 years ago, in the last 3 years her father has died, two aunties died, social services case, a court case at work involving the murder of a baby, depression after our youngest child’s birth.
My wife has been to the doctor 3 times in the last 2 years for anti depressants, she has harmed herself and also txt me at work to say she had found a scalpel and wanted to end it all.

A little about me. I’m a hands on dad. I work full time. My wife works nights/wkends,so I have the kids half the time. I make the dinner most nights after getting home from work, I wash, clean, iron, charm, look after bills, go to parents evenings, take kids to various extra curricular activities etc.

Again this year, almost exactly a year to the day my wife is asking for a divorce again. She seems more serious this time, she’s seen solicitor etc. Only a few months ago she was speaking of booking holidays and building an extension on our house. Her reasons to me aren’t clear and seem like small issues, which she makes into big issues. As soon as she decided on divorce she went about letting as many people know as possible either face to face, over phone, txt, even the Vodafone salesman. People she hadn’t even spoken to in years she was telling. She has different groups of friends some of who I also speak with, and she seems to give them different reasons for wanting divorce depending on who she speaks with. To me it seems like she loves the attention and sympathy.

Since this started we went through a stage of sleeping separately, still occasionally having sex. We sleep in the same bed again now (which we don’t have to). My wife’s  emotions to me are so up and down I don’t know where I stand half the time. She has quick mood changes. These could be from day to day or spur of the moment. She tells me she loves me but doesn’t have to like me! We share a bed 4 nights a week due to myself working away and my wife working nights. One night she might want to have sex and be really up for it. (I can tell by her body language and mood etc) other nights she doesn’t want to know because she’s hating me again. When we do she falls asleep holding me and looking at me. Last week for example - I had been working away, we spoke during the day and she was saying all these bad things about me and wanted me to move out. When I returned home I could tell she wanted me again, we ended up having sex, which was more like making love than it had been for a while. She fell asleep holding me, staring up at me. The next day she was off again!

It seems like the way she is acting is to hurt me. And anything that goes wrong is always my fault.

I really love my wife and have been trying incredibly hard to try and make this work. I’m really not sure where I stand! Is this bdp? Should I be off with her, keep trying and showing love? Accept its over and move on?

Any advice or help appreciated. Thanks.

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