Im a Therapist, who tried to help my ex, she dumped me twice

[Depression = 72% of members]

My ex, ran away to her home state, in June. We had just started an established relationship. She was happy. Mind you, she came back after two years before. We had a FWB relationship.  She left in June.  Long story short, her mother had been playing mind games with her since she was a child. My ex has 'atypical-BPD.'  Her mother is a nurse, but, she got alot of her medical friends, to gang up on my ex, and prescribe her drugs she didn't need.  My ex invited me to one of her therapy sessions, it amounted to a gang-up by her mother and therapist. I literally removed my ex from the session. Her estranged father, of 15 years, contacted her on facebook, and convinced her to move back with him. He was rich now, and lots of other things. He has mental issues himself.  My ex had no life here, with her controlling mother and stepfather.  Well, she left one day, when her father sent a moving truck for her. I lost contact with her. I asked her mother, and she told me "A left three days ago."  Well, over the next few weeks there was no contact, and her parents up here turned her phone on and off, on and off, to "smoke her out."  As time went along, she got mad at me for text bombing her, but she understood It was about 4 weeks before I got any messages from her.  She told me she "wasn't pulling away."  She wanted me to move down there with her.  She was getting to know her dad again.  Her mother got with me and wanted to know what was going on.  I told her.  Well, her mother lied about everything I said, and pretty much used it to hurt "A." and "A" was flamming pissed at me, because her parents used what I said, as an excuse to "almost cut her off."  I was trying to explain her mother was lying to her. she said she was tired of everyone trying to brainwash her, and she didn't know who to trust anymore!   On top of that, she went off her medication that her father convinced her was correct to do.  (You still need to go off it slowly).  She told me, she wanted this with me, she really did. Things got too tanged and I don't know how to fix this anymore."  I am not going to lead you on, while I am trying to come to my senses. Im sorry, this is over, if I come back to you then I do- don't wait for me."  That was the last thing she ever said to me.  That June 11th.  Her social media went down, then came back, then went off totally. Her internet footprint vanished. Yes, we filed a missing person report on her, Not until late November, her mother didn't want to. Not until, after a friend down there, told her stepfather, "A" had to get out because her father was insane and they were going to meet in a public place, but she waited for hours for her and she never showed up.  Her mother made it all about herself, and how she felt about this. I was so pissed, as time went on, her mother made the police think I knew more then I did, and eventually I filed a police report. Her paranoid father suddenly had a Facebook. I used some choice language, and he blocked me.  This went on for several months. THEN, just a few days ago, I saw her hands in a picture post, on her friend's Facebook, showing a sandwich. Three days later, her stepfather tells me, the local police said they were in contact with her, and she wants no one from up here to ever contact her again.  Now, her parents deserve to be cut off. I was used as a tool to hurt "A" by her mother, knowing her for over 4 years, she has MDD.  She assumed I hurt her, and would not hear the truth. Im working with alot of factors here, as you can see. BUT, I know I need to move on, but, damn. Her mother broke me and "A" up. We were really stupid-happy. 

[Mr. Mosin]

My ex, ran away to her home state, in June. We had just started an established relationship. She was happy. Mind you, she came back after two years before. We had a FWB relationship.  She left in June.  Long story short, her mother had been playing mind games with her since she was a child. My ex has 'atypical-BPD.'  Her mother is a nurse, but, she got alot of her medical friends, to gang up on my ex, and prescribe her drugs she didn't need.  My ex invited me to one of her therapy sessions, it amounted to a gang-up by her mother and therapist. I literally removed my ex from the session. Her estranged father, of 15 years, contacted her on facebook, and convinced her to move back with him. He was rich now, and lots of other things. He has mental issues himself.  My ex had no life here, with her controlling mother and stepfather.  Well, she left one day, when her father sent a moving truck for her. I lost contact with her. I asked her mother, and she told me "A left three days ago."  Well, over the next few weeks there was no contact, and her parents up here turned her phone on and off, on and off, to "smoke her out."  As time went along, she got mad at me for text bombing her, but she understood It was about 4 weeks before I got any messages from her.  She told me she "wasn't pulling away."  She wanted me to move down there with her.  She was getting to know her dad again.  Her mother got with me and wanted to know what was going on.  I told her.  Well, her mother lied about everything I said, and pretty much used it to hurt "A." and "A" was flamming pissed at me, because her parents used what I said, as an excuse to "almost cut her off."  I was trying to explain her mother was lying to her. she said she was tired of everyone trying to brainwash her, and she didn't know who to trust anymore!   On top of that, she went off her medication that her father convinced her was correct to do.  (You still need to go off it slowly).  She told me, she wanted this with me, she really did. Things got too tanged and I don't know how to fix this anymore."  I am not going to lead you on, while I am trying to come to my senses. Im sorry, this is over, if I come back to you then I do- don't wait for me."  That was the last thing she ever said to me.  That June 11th.  Her social media went down, then came back, then went off totally. Her internet footprint vanished. Yes, we filed a missing person report on her, Not until late November, her mother didn't want to. Not until, after a friend down there, told her stepfather, "A" had to get out because her father was insane and they were going to meet in a public place, but she waited for hours for her and she never showed up.  Her mother made it all about herself, and how she felt about this. I was so pissed, as time went on, her mother made the police think I knew more then I did, and eventually I filed a police report. Her paranoid father suddenly had a Facebook. I used some choice language, and he blocked me.  This went on for several months. THEN, just a few days ago, I saw her hands in a picture post, on her friend's Facebook, showing a sandwich. Three days later, her stepfather tells me, the local police said they were in contact with her, and she wants no one from up here to ever contact her again.  Now, her parents deserve to be cut off. I was used as a tool to hurt "A" by her mother, knowing her for over 4 years, she has MDD.  She assumed I hurt her, and would not hear the truth. Im working with alot of factors here, as you can see. BUT, I know I need to move on, but, damn. Her mother broke me and "A" up. We were really stupid-happy. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[khibomsis]

Mr Mosin,  and welcome to the family!

 I feel for you in this tough situation. It sounds as if you have been very traumatized by grief and loss.  That said, it seems as if your person with BPD is sending a very straightforward message. She wants to be left alone. There is nothing you can do for her except to respect that desire. With time, she may come back to you. For now,  maybe the best thing you can do for both of you is to address your trauma? So that if she does return you are better able to cope?

Radical Acceptance is one of the first skills I learnt yet one I still struggle with after all these years. When I do get it, it does much to bring comfort:
 https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0

Do keep posting and let us know how it is going! I find surfing the board and reading other's stories does much to soothe rumination and help me move forward.
 
Khib