Can I get her back my ex girlfriend has borderline personality disorder

[Lovesabpdgirl]

We were together nearly three months and Everything was okay she tried to kill herself I was at hospital all day with her the she said she loved me and wanted to have kids with me before we got together she told me her ex boyfriend cheated on her she told his name me and him come from the town she told he cheated then took his new girlfriend to Disneyland and I found out she was talking to him behind my back I called her asked her who she wanted to be with I didn't believe her at first I calmed down she told me she was with him for 5 years and I made her jealous with another girl I left her flowers at her door she started talking to me again then we went back to being friends she invited me too her house she got changed infront of me I seen her in her panties and I didn't make a move because her father's sexual abused her growing up was lying in bed with her watching movies I told her I wanted her back she said she wanted to see how we got on outside of the mental hospital I have ADHD I'm happy now all good she asked me to help her move house I said yes but her ex the one that cheated on her I agree to still help her move but I seen on Facebook today her friend tagged her in a video and it's was ppl moving house my ex mentioned her other ex on the comments I look on his face there was photos of houses and landscape she give them a love instead of a like and it pisses me off I know I'm better than him and I love her so much I'm scared incase she gets back with him and he hurts her she can be hard work but she is wonderful I always treated my ex right if she does get back with would I see be able to her friend how can I get her back if it happens I'm better looking than her ex and I have a heart of gold I would never cheat on her

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[Adrian26]

Welcome.

This is very difficult, and I'm sorry for what she's putting you through.

I don't know any golden advice on 'getting her back', and indeed many of us here wonder if it would be the right or healthy thing to do.
What I can see, however, is how she's keeping both you and her ex in her orbit. She wants you to stay available for her, but does not commit or respond to your feelings.
Instead, she is in frequent contact with her ex, who according to her cheated on her, etc.

BPD's are afraid of commitment, yet want affection. I cannot tell for sure, but your heart of gold and good treatment might actually be threatening for her because its 'new' and 'secure'. Her luring back an ex-boyfriend who cheated on her of course is falling back on something old, something insecure and destructive- but at least something 'comfortable', however strange that might sound.
She is probably in a way hard wired to expect abandonment or fear abandonment. At the same time she wants intimacy but fears it as well. With her ex, she might still have some intimacy, but not the threat of investing heavily. She might not have to 'commit' to him, or she is just so inexperienced with good treatment and stable prospects (with you) that it scares the heck out of her and causes her to relapse in self-sabotage.

Look after yourself. If you have the insight and self-worth that you claim in your posts, act upon it. Its hard, I know. But do not let her be in control of the both of you. Assert your boundaries. I cannot tell you what to do, only to respect yourself and, if you really want advice on how to get her back, your best shot might be to withdraw, cut contact. In my experience and others on this board, this might actually lead her to chase you again. But its a difficult thing to do, and you should ask yourself: do I want to play this push pull game?

Last thing I'd advise you might come across as condescending, I don't mean it to. But your post has little interpunction, which makes it more difficult to read and for others to advise you.

Good luck and take care!