We got back in touch in terms of a FRIENDSHIP.
I asked him about working things out, but he told me he was not over his ex. She lost their child and he's in deep pain because losing them both (6 months ago).
this is the tricky part about trying to navigate a friendship when you have feelings for the other person, and hope of reconciliation. and it is really tricky.
the thing here is, he knows that you still have feelings, and would ideally like to get back together. there arent any doubts, youve communicated it clearly.
and thats part of the confusion, i suspect. you dont want to send contrary signals...you want to make the right moves as a romantic prospect, and youre doing that from the position of "just friends", but ideally, you dont want to be seen as "just a friend".
its a tough needle to thread.
1. Could I've done anything better in my reactions and communication?
from his perspective, bearing in mind he knows that youd like to get back together, he may read a lot of your efforts as romantic, or pushing to be together.
right now, he is shutting those efforts down.
when a guy is saying "not right now", but seeing other people, telling you hes meeting a friend while calling it a date publicly, what hes saying is "no, but im afraid to let you down in an obvious/overt way, but im hoping youll read between the lines".
that may be hard to hear, but it doesnt have to be the end of the world or your chances.
2. Do I reach out in a week or so and check in with him if he doesn't talk to me?
no. hard no. not in a week, not in a month, if it comes to that.
the ball is very much in his court. he initiated this break from talking. that means hes feeling overwhelmed and wants space. it may be a lot of space. reaching out will make him feel backed into a corner.
it also wont paint you in the most attractive light. it will look needy.
when i mention threading the difficult needle of trying to get someone back, from a position of "just friends", the moves to make are far less about trying to make the right move or send the right message, and far more about just, simply, positioning yourself in a more attractive light.
and in this case, a more attractive light probably means being a bit more detached. a bit less focused on him and whats going on in his life, and more on you, and whats going on in yours.
think about it. he knows you want to get back together. if he wanted that to happen right now, youd do it in a heartbeat. so as hard as it may be, you have to ask yourself why he isnt jumping at the chance, right?
psychologically speaking, he doesnt need to. he can explore his options. youll still be available.
and putting yourself in a more attractive light means not putting yourself in that position. not being a doormat.
if it were me? id fill up my schedule for the next month, with friends, with hobbies, with good times, with new experiences. and id post about it.
dont be too obvious or too showy, or out of the ordinary for the kind of stuff you normally post. but invest in your life enthusiastically and share it with others. because that is attractive, to everyone. and on some level, of course, when we do this sort of thing, it is with the object of our affections in mind, and to get their attention...that cant really be helped too much. ideally though, that enthusiasm kind of takes over us, and becomes more about doing it because it enriches our lives, rather than for someones attention.
strive for that point. it wont just paint you in a more attractive light. it will build your confidence and make you stronger.
