I feel free without her but I fear she'll start to believe nobody loves her

[blueberryreef]

Hello, and thanks for being here. For three decades I have felt abused and bullied by my sister. I've become accustomed to her cutting contact intermittently with me and the rest of our family our whole adult lives. This is the first time I am glad to be free from her presence - it was her choice again to cut contact. I'm disappointed in the person she has been and the adult that she has become. But I wish she knew that we, her family, love her and we don't intend to 'f**k with her' or 'mess with her'. I also feel the support and resources offered to her haven't been appreciated. She acts entitled to them and she also takes it upon herself to 'throw it back in our faces'. I feel like she's wired differently, in that the more respect you give her the more suspicious she becomes of you. Love to talk to someone who has been through this and how you can offer love and support from a distance if someone chooses to out you from their lives.
Thanks.

[Kwamina]

Hi blueberryreef and welcome to BPDFamily

Dealing with a disordered sibling can definitely be quite challenging. Your sister has currently cut off contact. Did anything specific lead up to this? How long ago did she cut contact?

You mention feeling like she's wired differently. If she has BPD that indeed might be a accurate way to describe what's going on with her. Has your sister perhaps been officially diagnosed with any kind of disorder? Has she ever received targeted treatment for her issues?

Take care

The Board Parrot

[blueberryreef]

Hello, thank you for your message.

She's been diagnosed with some personality disorder or mental illness years ago. She's alluded to how behaviours & thoughts manifest in her but she hasn't shed light on exactly what they are yet. She told me she's not ready to receive any therapy & isn't sure she "believes in it".

Yes, this time around she asked me not to tell some of the family some information about her but I told my sister in-law so she wouldn't be bombarded with unwanted questions. When she is asked questions, she struggles to tell the truth and will make up stories to 'cover her tracks'. I told her that the reason I passed on her information was so she wouldn't have to lie & she could just face the truth. I told her I'd done that with her best interests at heart but she was still unhappy I'd done that & asked me to leave her house.

Other times in the past she's stopped contact with me or other members of the family, or long-term friends of hers, for no apparent reason. I introduced her to a good friend of mine who she became close with, then one day out of thin air, she just ceased contact with her. Later she told me she was "just using" my friend. I felt so sad for both of them. My friend was hurt. But my sister was saying she never liked her & things like that. Leaves me baffled.

To be honest I was relieved to just get a break this time around.

She's very suspicious of people's intentions and often assumes she knows what people are thinking or thinks people have set her up. Whereas to me, what she's describing isn't something I really understand.

It's strange because she refers to other people as bullies, but to me, ever since we were children, I've found her callous & cunning. But then in another light, she is also very bright and lovely. That beautiful side of her just seems to show itself less and less often.

Often I think I'd rather her not be in my life ever again, it's a roller coaster. But in the same token, I'm afraid she'll take her own life or just fade away into oblivion. I want to know she's OK, but I don't want to know her, which I feel guilty/ torn about.