found out my boyfriend is on grindr

[danimari]

hi this is my first post,
so I've been together with my bpd boyfriend for 2 years now. Two weeks ago we went out together and I found nude pictures of other men from grindr (a gay hook up app) on his phone. I want to, but I haven't confronted him yet, because he is in a stressful period with school exams, so I don't think he will handle it if I tell him I found out.

But I was wondering, is this common for people with bpd? Are there more people who've experienced this? Does anybody has tips?

thanks in advance

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[techkiller80]

I'm so sorry similar thing happened to me my ex-fiance was having sex with my best friend and i walked in on them.  It was pretty tramatic   This is not common for somebody with BPD they are still in control of their actions...I'd love to talk more

[paperinkart]

Hello!

So sorry to hear you’re going through this!

My partner and I have been together for 2 years. We’ve had a few conversations around sexual preferences. We are both...curious people but had never done anything about it.

About a year and a half ago, I went on a trip out of the country. When I came back, I found out he had downloaded tinder and had been chatting with some guys on there. We took a break for awhile so he could “explore”. He never did anything further and we got back together not too long after.

We ended up opening up our relationship (my idea) because I didn’t ever want to have to worry about him going behind my back again, and also I didn’t want either of us to be held back if we wanted to explore a bit. Obviously, that’s had its own challenges and it’s not for everyone, but that was how I could feel okay with the situation.

I don’t know if it is officially part of BPD but there does seem to be some grey area around gender preferences. I have read that sometimes people with BPD have such little sense of identity, that things like sexual orientation becomes very fluid with them, simply because they can’t figure out who they are and what they like. While my partner claims to be straight (or at least, “prefers women”), I know there are still curiosities there. Again, this might be because of BPD and it may not be. Who knows?

I’m hoping you can keep an open mind about this- but I totally understand the feeling of shock and betrayal you might be experiencing! Best of luck!

[danimari]

Hello!

So sorry to hear you’re going through this!

My partner and I have been together for 2 years. We’ve had a few conversations around sexual preferences. We are both...curious people but had never done anything about it.

About a year and a half ago, I went on a trip out of the country. When I came back, I found out he had downloaded tinder and had been chatting with some guys on there. We took a break for awhile so he could “explore”. He never did anything further and we got back together not too long after.

We ended up opening up our relationship (my idea) because I didn’t ever want to have to worry about him going behind my back again, and also I didn’t want either of us to be held back if we wanted to explore a bit. Obviously, that’s had its own challenges and it’s not for everyone, but that was how I could feel okay with the situation.

I don’t know if it is officially part of BPD but there does seem to be some grey area around gender preferences. I have read that sometimes people with BPD have such little sense of identity, that things like sexual orientation becomes very fluid with them, simply because they can’t figure out who they are and what they like. While my partner claims to be straight (or at least, “prefers women”), I know there are still curiosities there. Again, this might be because of BPD and it may not be. Who knows?

I’m hoping you can keep an open mind about this- but I totally understand the feeling of shock and betrayal you might be experiencing! Best of luck!

Hi thanks for your answer! But I'm a guy too, so we're in a gay relationship haha

[once removed]

hi danimari, and

how did you find the pictures? how did you feel about finding them?

do you know if he has a dating account?

[danimari]

hi,
we were on a night out and he fell asleep on the train. So I took his phone to take some selfies of us, when I wanted to see the pictures I just took I saw a dick picture which wasn't mine nor his. I don't know how to feel to be honest, but mostly just sad.

He had tinder, but told me that and I was kinda okay with that. But he has deleted it for a while now.

hi danimari, and

how did you find the pictures? how did you feel about finding them?

do you know if he has a dating account?